Everyday Challenges
by Irish-Brigid
Summary: Snippets of life, mostly centered around Cloud. Compilation compliant. Cloti. Het. Not told in chronological order and updated when I feel like it and/or have something to post.
1. Family Photo

*The idea for this story came from a single observation. Denzel has the picture of him and his parents by his bed in Advent Children.*

**Family Photo**

Denzel looked up as he finished explaining how he came to stay at Ms. Ruvi's. Tifa the new lady who took him in, smiled even though she looked rather sad. He wished Cloud was there. He wanted to properly meet the man who saved him.

He fingered the bandage on his head before continuing his story. Was there much point being saved if he was going to die, anyway?

*7*7*

Cloud came back to the bar a little after supper. Denzel was waiting for him at a small table near the back. Neither said anything, though Cloud did stop beside Denzel and looked down at him before going upstairs.

Later, Tifa talked to Cloud and Marlene about keeping Denzel with them.

"Yes! It'll be like having a brother!" Marlene ran off and both adults heard her excitedly welcoming the newest member of their family.

"Is it alright with you, Cloud?"

He nodded once and went back to organizing delivery recipes. Tifa sighed. Maybe he didn't care? But he cared enough to bring Denzel home. Sometimes she just didn't understand him.

*7*7*

The days passed and Tifa thought that maybe they were becoming a real family. Cloud was taking fewer jobs so he could spend time with the kids. Both enjoyed it, especially Denzel. Every time Cloud answered a question, no matter how terse he was, Denzel's face lit up.

Two weeks after Denzel entered their lives, Tifa decided to take a family photo. The idea came from Marlene. She had been drawing pictures in crayon of all of them together and asked Tifa if they could have a photo. "And be sure to include Cloud, too."

They used Cloud camera. He had picked it up about a month ago to take pictures of the places he visited. The picture started out with Cloud on his motorcycle with Denzel and Marlene standing in the foreground. Then a neighbor came and offered to take a picture for them so Tifa could be in the shot, too.

Tifa set the framed picture of them all together on Cloud's desk. The first picture went in the kids' room. She fiddled with the placement for a while, though, really, she was looking at Cloud's face. He looked... detached, somehow. Denzel she could understand looking sad, he was still suffering from Geostigma, but Cloud... Wasn't he healing?

"Hey."

Tifa turned around and saw Cloud standing in the doorway. "Hi. I was just looking at the picture we took."

"Hmm."

"Do you think Denzel is happy here?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Tifa looked back down at the picture. She tried to think of how to ask the question bubbling in her mind, but Cloud beat her to it.

"Did something happen?"

"No." Tifa fingered the picture frame before turning to the door. "I'm probably worrying for nothing."

A few minutes later, Cloud came back downstairs. "There's another delivery I have to do. I might not be back tonight." That's all he said before leaving.

*7*7*

"Where's Cloud?"

Tifa brushed away Denzel's bangs as she cleaned up his latest attack. "On a delivery. He said he might not be back tonight, but maybe he'll come tomorrow."

"I hope so." He buried himself in his covers.

*7*7*

Cloud didn't come back the next day and he was still gone the morning after that. Tifa was down in the bar and Marlene was playing with friends. Denzel still had a fever, so he sat in bed reading.

Suddenly, pain like a sharp spike rammed through his head. He grabbed his head, the scar burned as black pus built up. The room started to spin. Images of Sector 7 burning flashed before his eyes before he passed out.

*7*7*

"Hey. Denzel."

Denzel opened his eyes, the world little more than a blur until he focused on blond spikes and too-blue eyes. "Cloud?"

"Yeah." A leather-gloved hand ruffled Denzel's hair. "I brought you something."

"Really?" Denzel managed to sit up.

Cloud looked away and nodded. "It's not much, but..." He held out a picture frame.

But it wasn't the frame that Denzel focused on. There, behind new, clean glass, was the wrinkled and torn picture of him and his parents that used to sit on the table in their living room in Sector 7.

When Denzel looked up, Cloud was already in the doorway ready to leave. "Cloud."

Cloud turned his head just enough to look at Denzel over his shoulder.

"Thanks."

* * *

_What to say? I just wondered how Denzel got that picture that was buried in rubble. Cloud must have dug through so much debris and decaying body parts and who knows what else to find it._


	2. A Day in Cloud's Life

**A Day In Cloud's Life**

I woke up and went to work. I came back here just before supper. Tifa was throwing out a customer. Hmm. That's about it.

*7*7*

"You're not very good at telling stories," Marlene said, sitting up in bed.

Denzel scowled at her from his spot next to Cloud. "I think he's just fine."

"But he didn't even say where he went today! Or what he thought about the guy Tifa threw out. Or anything!"

"Well, that's true."

"Maybe I should get Tifa to tuck you in tonight."

"No!" Both children clung to his arms.

"We want to hear about your day!" Denzel said.

Marlene nodded. "We already know about Tifa's day because we were here."

"Um, okay."

"So where did you go?" Denzel said, sitting back down.

*7*7*

There's a farm a little outside Kalm. A young couple live there since the man's parents died a few years ago.

_Meteor?_

_The stigma?_

Old age, I think. They never said. Anyway, they had a block of cheese to deliver to Junon.

...

_And?_

_Was it stinky cheese?_

It was normal cheese.

_Did you run into any monsters on the way to Junon?_

There were some Kalm fangs. When I got closer to Junon I ran into a zemzelett, a couple nerosuferoths, and some capparwires.

_Were they hard to fight?_

_Did they all attack at once or separately?_

The Kalm fangs attacked in a pack. The zemzelett was alone. The nerosuferoths were together but there were two groups of capparwires. None of them were hard.

_So you didn't get hurt at all?_

_Of course he didn't! He's Cloud!_

Uh. I wasn't hurt. But I can be hurt.

_Did you take the new highway through the mountains?_

_Did you take any pictures?_

Yeah.

...

_You're supposed to describe the landscape!_

Oh. There were mountains. After the mountains there was a forest and then the hills around Junon.

_*sigh* Fine. What was Junon like? Did you have trouble finding the place?_

There were a lot of people. I've delivered to that address before, so it was easy to find. After I dropped off the package, I left.

_Did you have any other deliveries today?_

Just some machine parts from Junon to Edge.

_What sort of machine parts?_

I didn't ask. There wasn't anything interesting about the trip.

_So what did you think about the guy Tifa threw out?_

What?

_What did you think about him? Did you think that maybe he tried to grope her?_

Where did you...? Never mind. Tifa can take care of herself, so I didn't pay much attention.

07070

Marlene sighed and leaned back against her pillow. "I guess that was okay."

"Can I go with you on your deliveries someday?" Denzel said.

"Maybe."

Denzel smiled and hopped into his bed. "I think you're great at telling stories, Cloud."

"Thanks." Cloud pulled the covers up to Denzel's shoulders before ruffling the boy's hair.

"Can we see the pictures you took?" Marlene said as Cloud straightened her blanket.

"Yeah. They'll be printed tomorrow."

"Hey, Cloud?" Denzel sat up.

"Hmm?"

"That guy did try to grope Tifa. He was being really creepy before, too."

Marlene nodded. "I don't like him. If you see him again you should scare him off."

"I don't think I'd recognize him."

The two kids settled down after that and Cloud left the room. As he started down the stairs, he met Tifa coming up.

"That took a little longer than usual."

"Yeah." Cloud scratched the back of his head. "I don't know what's gotten into Marlene. She insisted that I give more details in my story."

Tifa laughed. "She has a creative writing assignment for school. I guess she's taking it very seriously."

"Hmm. Maybe you should tuck them in for the next few days."

"It wouldn't hurt for you to talk a little more."

"I guess." Cloud wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "But I'd rather listen to you talk about your day."

* * *

_Because I have a hard time seeing Cloud as an effective narrator (though I have found a few stories like that entertaining). Also, I think it's really cute to see him interact with the kids. Denzel has such a bad case of hero worship._

_P.S. There seems to be some trouble updating my stories. I can upload documents, and edit the documents, but I can't edit the stories themselves. Weird. So the next update will be whenever that problem gets fixed.  
_


	3. Grey Clouds

*There seems to be some misunderstandings regarding Cloud's characterization in Advent Children. A lot of people call him "emo" or accuse Square Enix of abandoning all the character development he went through in the game. Frankly, I think they're wrong, not to mention being unfair. Which is kinda where this fic comes in.*

*Manditory disclaimer: Don't own. Don't profit. Don't sue. Like I really need to tell you this...*

* * *

**Grey Clouds**

Noon sunlight baked the dusty road between Kalm and Edge. For once, Cloud actually finished a job early. He could easily be at Seventh Heaven in time for supper.

He could be home in time for a supper made by Tifa. He could listen to Marlene talk about everything that had happened during the day.

It felt nice.

No. Nice wasn't the right word. Even when he didn't show up for days or came back late at night, there was always a plate of food waiting for him. Marlene wasn't scared of him anymore. Sometimes she sat near him while he planned out his routes. Tifa never got angry when he brought back the wrong foods. She seemed to think it was funny. Especially when he kept getting gysahl and curiel mixed up. Every time Tifa smiled at him, strange knots formed in his stomach.

It wasn't nice. It was terrifying.

So he didn't go home. Not yet. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle Edge and the tiny island of peace and happiness called Seventh Heaven.

Because he knew what he'd see on the way there.

They said it was because the planet was angry. That this was vengeance for what humanity had done to the planet. So the disease, the curse, was called Geostigma.

Cloud wasn't sure if he believed it. Was the planet that cruel? The planet Aerith had died trying to protect? So many of the victims he saw were children. Orphans. They hadn't done anything wrong. Wasn't it enough that they had lost everything else?

Soon, he reached the one place he felt he could go. The church. Her church. Even after all that time, after the girl who tended to them had died, the little white and yellow flowers still bloomed.

It felt right to come here, though in a strange way he felt like he was cheating on Tifa. Here he didn't feel happy or scared. Just peace.

And guilt.

He parked Fenrir in the clearing in front of the crumbling structure and took out his phone. He still hadn't looked at the last message Tifa had left for him. It was probably the same as the others she left every few days when he was out. 'Just checking on how you're doing. We're fine. See you soon.' He didn't know why she bothered. He never answered his phone. He never returned her calls. Lately, he barely spoke to her at all. He didn't deserve this kind of attention. Even after telling her that he wanted to be with her, he couldn't follow through.

He left the phone with Fenrir and went into the church. It was still the same as always. He half expected to see her ghost in the middle of the flowerbed like he thought he had just before Midgar was destroyed.

Maybe if she had lived, the planet wouldn't be in this state.

Maybe if he hadn't let her die.

Maybe if he had been able to resist Sephiroth's influence.

Maybe if he hadn't let his best friend die.

Maybe if he hadn't broken every promise he ever made.

He leaned his head back against the pillar he was sitting under and looked up at the hole he had fallen through almost a year ago. Maybe if he had died in that lab, everyone would be better off.

Zack would still be alive.

Aerith would still be alive.

Meteor wouldn't have fallen.

Sephiroth would have been killed sooner.

So many people wouldn't have died.

The survivors wouldn't be suffering from an illness with no known cure.

"Why?" He didn't expect an answer, but he had to ask. "If the planet is angry, I'm the one who should be punished, not these kids. If the Lifestream is the reason why people are getting sick, then it's my fault for not defeating Sephiroth in time. No one else should have to suffer for my mistakes."

He closed his eyes and dosed off. He must have, because when he opened them again, the sunlight pouring through the ceiling was at a slightly different angle. He was also starting to lose feeling in his legs from sitting on them funny.

Standing, he decided that even if he didn't go home, he at least had to walk around a bit. And check on Fenrir. He didn't worry that someone would steal it, the thing was much too heavy for normal people to ride, but there was always the possibility of vandalism.

The last thing he expected to find was a small boy passed out with his cell phone open and Tifa's voice shouting in near panic through the speaker.

*7*7*

To Cloud, Denzel wasn't just a boy in need of help. He was a chance at redemption. Aerith gave him, him and Tifa, a way to earn some forgiveness. Though he had no idea what Tifa thought she needed to be forgiven for. No. He could guess. She probably still blamed herself for Sector 7 just like he and Barret did. It seemed so appropriate that Denzel was from that sector.

Tifa's role was easy to forgive. She'd find peace soon. But Cloud's... He could only hope that there might be forgiveness for him.

But there was a danger in starting to hope. He saw the way Denzel looked at him. Like he was a hero. Like this kid expected him to solve all the world's problems, including Geostigma. Cloud hated the thought of disappointing him.

So he tried, in secret. He read every book on medicine he could find. Even (or, rather, especially), the ones with words he didn't understand. He even visited Cosmo Canyon to talk to the elders, and was almost thankful that Nanaki wasn't there. The last thing he wanted was to drag his friends along on a seemingly hopeless quest again.

It was on the way back from that trip that his left arm started to hurt. It had been itching on and off for months, but this was actual stabbing, shooting _pain_. He stopped Fenrir before he lost control and waiting for the pain to subside.

Several more seconds passed before he got up the nerve to push his sleeve up. He had added it when the itching started, partially in fear that his scratching would damage the memorial ribbon he had tied around his bicep.

Now the sleeve served a second function. To hide the black stain of Geostigma.

* * *

_This was both easy and hard to write. Easy in that it almost wrote itself. Hard in that I had to actually type it. Honestly, I identify a little too much with Cloud here. Feeling useless, like everyone you know would be better off if you didn't exist, that everything you do is a mistake... Those feelings are a little too familiar to me. And Cloud seems to live in a world where the answer to things like chronic depression is 'stop feeling sorry for yourself!' I'm guessing there are no therapists on Gaia. Hopefully, Cloud will be okay. He seems to be doing better in DoC._


	4. Man of the House

*Aside from being fairly crumby, we aren't given many details on Cloud's childhood. The assumption of most fans seems to be that he was bullied to a point where weaker kids might consider suicide. I don't think that fits the evidence. Here's part of my take on his history.*

* * *

**Man of the House**

His first memory, ironically enough, was of his father. No image, no idea what the man looked like or even where he was. Just a feeling of sadness as he spoke.

"You're the man of the house until I come back, okay?"

He never came back.

*7*7*

Wendle pouted. "We need an even number if it's going to be fair."

"Someone could be referee," Andy suggested to a chorus of negative shouts.

"Hey!" Johnny pointed across the town square. "There's Cloud, maybe he'd like to play."

"No way!" This time, the rest of the boys agreed with Andy.

"He's weird. And he probably doesn't know how to play, anyway."

"That's right!"

"We can't spend all afternoon teaching him how to play, we'll never start the game."

"He's too small, anyway."

"And weak."

"It'd be better to have uneven teams."

Cloud ducked his head into the grocery bags he carried. He didn't care what the kids said about him. They were just stupid and silly. He was more mature than that.

So it didn't matter.

At all.

*7*7*

"I'm home, Mom."

Haldi Strife smiled at her son. "So you are. Were you able to find everything?"

"Mm-hmm." Cloud set the groceries on the floor next to the cupboard. All the canned goods were kept in the doors under the counter where he could reach. His mom never sent him out to get fresh food. She said she preferred to pick out fruit and vegetables herself. He thought she didn't trust him.

Well, how many six-year-olds were trusted with groceries at all? But Cloud didn't see it that way.

"After you're done, you can go out and play until supper."

Cloud scowled at the box of cereal he held. "I don't want to play."

His mom sighed. "There's nothing else to do, and I know you get restless just sitting around. At least try to have fun, okay?"

*7*7*

The water tower was off limits, like the mountain and the mansion. Of the three forbidden places, it was the safest, so Cloud went there when he was forced to go out to play. It was one childish act that he allowed himself. There he could watch the other kids play and pretend that he was playing, too.

The boys from earlier were still running around, kicking a ball. There was probably a reason, maybe some rules, but Cloud couldn't figure it out.

Not that it mattered.

"Cloud?"

He froze. Someone saw him? He looked down and saw big, brown eyes and hair that was almost dark enough to call black.

Tifa. The girl everyone in Nibelheim loved. The girl who lived in the big house next to his. She wasn't talking to him, was she?

No. She was _smiling_ at him.

"What are you doing?" she said.

"Nothing." He slid back, feeling blood rush to his cheeks. "Just... watching."

"Wow! You must have a great view! Can I come up?"

He didn't know what to say. No one had ever asked his permission for anything. No one had ever wanted to be with him, except his mom.

Soon, he ran out of time to say anything.

"Tifa! It's time to come in!"

"Coming, Mama!" She looked up at Cloud again. "Sorry... Maybe we can play some other time?"

Cloud nodded. He didn't trust his voice.

She never did play with him.

The next time he saw her, she was with her friends. They were laughing about something stupid and childish. He wanted to go up and talk to her, but he recognized one of the boys as the one who called him weird.

He couldn't be friends with someone so childish.

But she had been nice to him. Sometimes, when they ran into each other on the street or in the store, they even talked. Small words with no meaning, "hi," "how are you," "fine," "see you later," but it was more than he got from most people.

So maybe there was a chance...

*7*7*

He still sat on the water tower, but his reason changed. He watched for a dark haired girl who always looked happy.

Every day she was surrounded by other kids, laughing and joking about childish things. He wondered if he could ever make her laugh like that.

Probably not. He wasn't childish like all the others. He had grown-up responsibilities and no time to act silly. All the other kids had dads to do the work for them.

Sometimes she saw him and waved. That made him smile a little. He wanted her to notice him more often. He wanted her to smile at him.

Once, she left her circle of friends and started running to the water tower. Before she got halfway, another girl caught her arm and said something as they walked back to the group.

That was the first time he saw her smile leave her face.

The second time was nearly two years later.

*7*7*

The grown ups were watching him, so he couldn't sit on the water tower any more. He had to watch from his window, instead. Though he didn't know why he still watched.

_She must hate me, now._

He didn't blame her. He hated himself, too. Hated his weakness.

On the way home from the grocery store that day an older boy said something. He couldn't even remember what the words were or what they were about, just that he got mad and hit the boy.

It felt good, at first. Then he realized he had dropped the bags. Juice and broken glass spilled out of one.

His mom scolded him and made him sit in a corner until supper.

He never felt more like a child before. He was no different than those stupid kids who played so easily with Tifa.

Except, he couldn't play. He didn't know how. And the only one he ever wanted to play with was beyond his reach.

He curled up and, for the first time since his dad left, he cried.

* * *

_I hope this is okay. I want to do more detailed stories about particular events in his childhood, but I also wanted to get a sort of overall feel of what his childhood was like. Then there's how Tifa thought they were friends, even though they didn't interact much. She said that she always thought they were close, right? _

_Looking back to elementary school, I think I know what she meant. There was a girl who always sat near me at lunch for years. I considered her a friend, but thinking back, I don't remember ever exchanging more than a few words. The other two who sat near us did all the talking. Mostly between themselves since I rarely understood what they were talking about and the other girl... I don't know. She just didn't talk much. It's missed opportunities like that, born from an immature understanding of people and relationships, that can lead into deep regret. At least Tifa and Cloud got a second chance. I may never get an opportunity to meet this girl again and apologize for not trying to be a better friend. No, for not trying to be a __**friend**__._


	5. Terms of Affection

*I don't own any copyrights to Final Fantasy, neither do I want to. Way too much hassle.*

* * *

**Words of Affection**

As a child, those words were always accompanied by hot stew and warm hugs. Those words belonged to his mom. Her hands as she stroked his untamable hair or bandaged his knees. Far too often, she said it with a sad sort of smile when he insisted on acting grown up.

He didn't understand. All he knew was that those words expressed a feeling between a mother and her son.

Once, he asked about his dad. Why did he go away? Was he ever coming back? Did he... love them?

His mom looked shocked for a moment before scooping her tiny son in her arms. "Of course he loves us. He went away because he loves us and wanted to make a better life for us. But, he died, and..." She started shaking. Moments later, he realized it was because she was crying. He had made her cry. Remembering his dad made her cry.

He didn't know what to feel. He didn't understand why love, that feeling of warm stew, hugs, and bandages, would make his dad go away and die. There were a lot of things he didn't understand, but he couldn't ask his mom because he didn't want to make her sad again.

*7*7*

As he grew up, he watched the other kids. Sometimes he talked with them, but mostly he just watched. They confused him.

Sometimes, a kid would say "I love that," or "I'd love to..." Those were objects or actions or events. How could a feeling between parent and child have that sort of meaning, too? It was as if they thought 'love' was just a stronger form of 'like.'

He decided they were being childish and tried to ignore them.

*7*7*

He liked her. She was pretty and nice and when she talked to him he felt funny inside. He thought that 'like' wasn't the right word, but he didn't know any other way to describe it. 'Love' was too general the way most people used it. He prefered the meaning he was accustomed to, and that didn't fit at all.

Other boys probably knew the right words. There were a lot of boys who could talk to her and make her smile.

But maybe, just maybe, if he could do something to get her attention, he wouldn't need words. If he could prove through actions that he was worth something, then maybe his ignorance wouldn't matter.

Maybe he'd learn the words he needed.

*7*7*

Infantry training wasn't as hard as SOLDIER training, but he still felt like he was lagging behind. Nothing he did was good enough. None of his teammates wanted anything to do with him.

It didn't matter. He didn't understand them, anyway.

Like the kids back home, they used 'love' to describe affection for things and actions. Being teenagers, they had something else to 'love,' too.

Girls.

He didn't understand. Some of the boys had a different girl they talked about every week. Was that feeling really so changeable?

Could the love between parent and child change?

Why was the same word used for so many different things?

*7*7*

They weren't the only country boys working for ShinRa. He hadn't expected anything to come of it.

Zack was... everything he wasn't. Everything he wanted to be. Zack probably had lots of friends, so why he decided to befriend a small trooper who couldn't even get into SOLDIER was a mystery.

They went on missions together. Zack gave him advice and sometimes they hung out during their free time. They didn't meet often, because Zack rarely had free time, but it was more of a friendship than he'd ever known.

Maybe friend wasn't the right word. He didn't have much experience with the word, but it seemed to imply equals. Even though only two years separated them, he felt more like a child in the presence of an adult.

An impulsive, perpetually cheerful adult.

Maybe it was like having a dad? No, Zack wasn't anything like the fathers he'd met.

No, maybe it was more like having an older brother.

*7*7*

At sixteen his world ended. By all rights, he should have died then. Five years later, he woke up and everything was different.

He had a life, a family. It didn't seem quite real, people like him didn't do normal stuff like this, but maybe he could find some peace in this suspended reality.

"Do you love me?"

He didn't quite hear the question, but he knew she said something. He shifted to look over at the other bed. Tifa sat at the edge looking at him.

"Do you love Marlene?"

That seemed like an odd question for that time of night, but he was too tired to think about it. "Yeah. But sometimes I don't know how to approach her."

"Even though we've been together for some time?"

He looked away. How could he explain? That he was trying to be a parent when he didn't know how? He really had no right to try. Marlene already had a father figure. "Maybe that just isn't enough."

"Even we aren't enough for you?" She sounded... he wasn't sure. He just had a feeling that he said something wrong.

When she next spoke, she sounded almost as unsure as he felt. "Sorry for asking some strange things."

"Don't apologize. It's my problem." He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

His problem. The awkward part of him that stumbled around what he wanted to say and do because he didn't really understand either. What made it worse was that he didn't know how to fix it.

*7*7*

Sometimes he wondered if he finally understood his dad. His leaving was supposed to make life easier for those close to him. To lift a burden from them.

His mom told him it was love that made his dad leave. He wasn't sure if it was love for him. The word seemed to have too many meanings. Even if it just had the meaning he clung to as a child, he didn't think it fit. His reason felt too much like fear.

*7*7*

There were things he didn't understand. Maybe he'd never understand. He understood why the children were happy, they were cured. But he didn't understand why they wanted to be with him. He was awkward and didn't know what to say or do, but they just laughed and pulled him into their games. They asked questions and no matter how inadequate he thought his answer, they accepted it and asked more.

Was this the feeling he longed for as a child? Acceptance, friendship, admiration. It was strange and almost frightening.

Frightening and pleasant. The last time he felt like that, he ran away. But he wouldn't this time. He didn't have the past dragging him down or Geostigma threatening his life. This time he would try to understand.

"I guess they see you as an older brother," Tifa said a few days after he finally voiced his puzzlement over the children's actions.

"Older brother?" The remnants called him 'big brother.' It hadn't been pleasant, but then they had been referring to him as a Sephiroth copy. If he thought of it like his relationship with Zack, then it made more sense.

So, was he being Zack again? No. He was being himself and somehow took on the role for these kids that Zack had filled for him.

"Is something wrong?"

He looked up into her eyes. Even so many years later, he still got that odd feeling in his stomach when he looked at her. He shook his head. "No. It's probably a good thing."

*7*7*

He started to understand. His feelings for her finally had words to go with them. The words still confused him a little, but all the different meanings didn't seem as strange any more.

He felt a little guilty, because he had promised to tell her when he found the words. But he couldn't. Because those words carried too much weight. They led to things that normal people probably wouldn't be concerned about.

He wasn't normal.

And he couldn't ask her to take a risk like that for him.

Because he loved her.

* * *

_Maybe it's just me, but having one word that described such a wide range of emotional attachments never made sense. For a long time, I wouldn't even say the word 'love' because it just seemed wrong. Love was that gooey, pink, starry-eyed mush that had people on TV trying to eat each other's faces. Or was it reading stories, sewing eyes back on a toy, and getting chewed out because you worried someone? Or was it the excitement surrounding a new toy? The kids in school would say "If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?" That gave the impression that love was the sort of thing that lead to having babies. I had no idea what that involved when I was six, but the lead up (Valentine cards, sappy poetry, normally sensible people acting like complete idiots) sounded gross._

_Cloud may or may not have this kind of confusion in the minds of his creators, but it seemed likely enough considering his demonstrated difficulty communicating. Besides, he strikes me as the sort of person who over thinks things._


	6. Boyhood Thoughts

_And I revised it due to a review I got mentioning that Cloud sounded too young in this. I thought this story came out too easily. Anyway, I will be posting this and another story. So it's a two-fer._

* * *

**Boyhood Thoughts**

Sephiroth is the best. He's strong and cool and I want to be just like him.

If I was stronger, maybe I'd be noticed. I want to be noticed. By her. I can't believe she came. She's talking to me.

What is she saying?

I can't believe she'd ask that.

I'd promise her anything.

To be her hero. That's already what I want. If I can get into SOLDIER. If I can be like him. I need to do that.

But I can't.

I'm too weak. I'm pathetic. A failure. She'll hate me again.

Why did I get assigned to this mission? I can't show my face. I can't let her see me. I can't stand the thought of her looking at me like everyone else does. After everything I said, they turned out to be right about me. I hate it. I broke the promise. I can't protect anyone. No matter how hard I try. Even as just a grunt I should be able to do something.

I want to talk to her so much, and I don't want to. Even if I did, I can't find the words. She's so far above me, what was I thinking? Why did she make me promise that? What could she possibly ever see in someone like me?

She was pretty back then. She's more now. Don't stare. Don't stare! Look at something else. Anything else. I don't have a chance with her, anyway.

She's taller than me, too. I can't ask her to pay attention to someone like me. Worthless. I wonder if she's forgotten? Probably. There's no reason for her to hold on to something like that.

But I want to keep that promise. No matter what. It's all that keeps me from hating myself sometimes. Trying to live up to that promise.

I may not be able to fight a lot of monsters, but I can stand between her and danger.

And even that I can't do right. If Zack hadn't come just then, we'd both be dead. I should give up. She deserves better, anyway. I shouldn't keep trying.

I can't stop trying. I want to be worthy of her.

I'm nothing, otherwise.

Something's burning.

No. No! Stop!

Why is this happening?

I'm so useless!

Why is he doing this?

I should have done something!

Why...?

Mom! Mom! Please, don't die. I'm so sorry.

Don't die.

I couldn't do anything.

Don't die.

I should have stopped this.

Don't die!

I'm worthless. Pathetic. I couldn't do anything? I didn't do anything!

I hate him. I hate myself.

If I was stronger...

How dare you! You were a hero! Was it all a lie from the start?

Mom. Tifa. My home. Give them back!

I respected you. I admired you.

I wanted to _be_ you!

You're not a hero! You're a monster!

I lost everything, for what?

I don't care what you say!

You killed them!

Die!

I think I'm dying. That doesn't sound so bad.

But... I don't want to die. Not like this.

It's all gone. What have I got left to live for? What's a hero? I don't know anymore!

Everything I wanted to be... it was all a lie, wasn't it? I was stupid, naive, childish. I never should have believed. The world isn't that simple. It isn't fair. It isn't good. It's dark and cruel and bitter. I always thought I was so much better than the other kids, but I wasn't. My own childish thoughts and prejudices blinded me. I wanted to be something I wasn't. Something no one could be.

I'm sorry, Tifa... I want a hero, I want to be a hero, but... I can't.

The only real hero I knew is dead. Because of me.

*7*7*

Cloud is the best. He's strong and cool and I want to be just like him...

* * *

_A little stream of consciousnessy, huh? Well, it is my attempt at getting into Cloud's head and recording his thoughts. It's almost distressing how easy it is to get into pre-FFVII Cloud's mindset, once I stop thinking about it and just do it. I've never been a teenage boy, after all._

_Three guesses as to whose thought is included at the end, and the first two don't count._


	7. Ulterior Motives

_Kinda, sorta Yuffie-centric. She's fun to write for._

* * *

**Ulterior Motives**

"Ugh! You mean you two still aren't together? What is wrong with you?"

Tifa shook her head as Yuffie continued to bemoan the horror that was Tifa and Cloud's relationship. Or lack thereof. "He's only just forgiven himself and recovered from Geostigma. I don't want to rush things."

"You sleep in the same room!"

"We have separate beds." Tifa turned to put away the beer mugs, and hide her red cheeks.

"He practically proposed to you!"

That nearly made Tifa drop the glass she was holding. "Wh... when was that?"

Yuffie frowned. "The same day he magically appeared in that pool of holy water. Remember?" She spun around in her chair, making the most of reenacting a dramatic moment. "He stared off and started smiling, then got out of the pool, looked deep into your eyes and said, 'I want you to know that I'm not leaving again. I'll be here for you, always.'"

"That doesn't mean anything." Still, Tifa suddenly found wiping the bar fascinating.

"Doesn't mean...?" Yuffie nearly fell out of her chair. "Tifa! If a guy said something like that in Wutai the family would be pulling out the white kimono and stacked sake cups!"

"This isn't Wutai," Tifa said, wondering what sake cups had to do with anything. "Besides, we both have very demanding jobs and two children to raise. As long was we're functioning as a family, I don't mind."

Finally, Yuffie had to admit defeat. Loudly. Tifa sighed as she watched Yuffie leave the bar, the last of their friends to leave after celebrating the defeat of Sephiroth (again). She supposed Yuffie's reaction was only natural, especially for someone as energetic and straight-forward as her, but Tifa simply couldn't confess to Cloud yet. He was still healing. If she went too fast, if she confessed to feelings that he didn't share anymore, he might leave again. Yes, he promised not to, but that fear was still there.

*7*7*

Yuffie stopped by a few stores that were still open after all the fighting. She had promised Yuri that she'd pick up a souvenir from Edge. It had to be something flashy. After all, she was returning home a hero, and this time she expected to be greeted like one. She wanted to get something for the people who'd been sick, too, but thought that they'd be much happier just seeing her. Besides, that was a lot of gil.

Finally, she settled on a stone plate with shiny green flecks that looked a bit like materia for Yuri and a picture frame made out scrap metal for her dad.

Purchases securely in hand, she left the store only to realize that she had no way of getting back to Wutai. Cid had left days ago with jugs of holy water for everyone on the other continents. She was stuck in Edge with all its gloomy grey buildings!

She had her hand on her cellphone, ready to call Cid and demand that he pick her up, when an idea hit her. It was perfect. Cloud had to travel all over the place with his deliveries, anyway, so she'd talk him into taking her home. That would give her lots of time to convince him to make a move on Tifa, since Tifa was being so hopeless about it.

No. That wouldn't work. Sure, she could easily get Cloud to take her home, but Cloud was even more hopeless when it came to love than Tifa. There was no way he'd make the first move. (Even though he kind of already did, but Tifa wasn't getting it!) She'd have to think of something else.

She kept thinking about it all the way back to Seventh Heaven. Honestly, she didn't know the first thing about love, herself, except what she'd heard in stories or saw on TV. Maybe if one of them got a make-over. Girls were supposed to like the bad boy look, right? It didn't make much sense to Yuffie, but she could admit to herself that she wasn't the girliest girl in the world.

Which pretty much killed the make-over idea right there.

By the time she determined that she'd have to watch a whole lot of TV, she was already back at the bar.

*7*7*

Tifa looked up as the door opened. "Yuffie? I thought you were going home today."

"I was." Yuffie put on her best pout. "Then I remembered that everyone else was gone and I don't have a ride. Do you think Cloud could take me back to Wutai?"

It couldn't be just that if Yuffie was begging. "We all agreed not to use materia any more, remember?"

Yuffie acted shocked. "You... You thought I was trying to steal from you? Tifa! That hurts! I'm your friend. Okay, there was that one time, but we're past that now. I just want a ride home. Really."

"Well." She did feel a little bad, though Yuffie's over-acting kept it from being real guilt. "Cloud will be back from deliveries this evening, so you can ask him then."

"Yay! You're the best, Tifa!" Yuffie ran upstairs, then right back down. "Oh, and do you guys have a TV?"

Tifa shook her head. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. I think I'll go out for a bit. No point just sitting around here waiting for ol' chocobo butt."

For the second time that day, Tifa watched Yuffie leave the bar. The girl was plotting something, she'd have to warn Cloud when he got home.

*7*7*

This was not working.

Yuffie had spent most of the morning and all of the afternoon using every ninja trick in the book trying to find some place that had a TV (that worked) or books on romance. Without getting caught. That was important. The one thing worse than not finding what she was looking for was the thought of someone seeing her show any sort of interest in that sort of thing.

As it was, she managed to leaf through a few magazine serials and catch some TV through an old lady's window. That was about it.

She threw herself down on the roof of a newly built, but still old looking, apartment building. There had to be something she could use, something that would mean she hadn't just wasted a whole day!

Something aside from that cheesy scene with the girl looking dreamily up at the guy who rescued her. If that really worked, Yuffie wouldn't have a problem.

Her frustrated musings were interrupted by her cellphone.

"Hey! World's greatest ninja and hero, Yuffie Kisaragi! What can I do for ya?"

"Hero my ass!" Cid's voice came over loud and clear from the other end. "I'm just checkin' up on ya to make sure you ain't tryin' anything funny."

"Aww. Why doesn't anyone trust me?"

"Why should we? Now listen here. I ain't losing this bet 'cause of your meddling."

Yuffie laughed. "Don't worry, old man. I'm on my way back to Wutai right now."

"Ya better be. Gotta go."

Cid didn't know it, but he just renewed Yuffie's determination. Now if she could just think of a plan.

*7*7*

Tifa didn't have to tell Cloud her suspicions for him to be more than a little cautious when Yuffie again pleaded for a ride home. If nothing else, he didn't want to spend so many days away from home. Not when he was trying to reassure Tifa and the kids that he was going to stay.

"I need to make some deliveries to Junon, so I can take you that far."

Yuffie came close to tackling Cloud. "Thanks, Cloud!" She was up the stairs almost before she finished talking.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Cloud?"

He smiled faintly. "I don't see any problems. Unless you want her to stay for a few more days."

"No. Marlene and Denzel, at least, have to sleep sometime this week." Tifa laughed until she saw Cloud watching her. "I should make sure she isn't teaching them how to pick pockets."

*7*7*

One of them getting sick wouldn't help. For one thing, there was no way she could just make someone sick. And even if she could, it still wouldn't work. If Cloud was sick, he'd just run off again. If Tifa was sick that might work, or Cloud might blame himself and get all mopey. _Again._

Jealousy could work... No, that was stupid. Tifa would ignore her own feelings and wish Cloud all the happiness in the world. Cloud was so dense, he probably wouldn't notice there was a reason to be jealous.

And if he did notice, Yuffie didn't want to be responsible for the death of whatever idiot Cloud thought was after Tifa.

It was so frustrating! She was inches from simply grabbing them and locking them in a room together until they did something.

Like break down the door.

"Yuffie?"

"Huh?" She craned her neck to see over Cloud's shoulder. They were almost to the mountains between the Midgar area and Junon's coast.

"You're quiet."

"I just have some things to think about. That's all."

Cloud looked back at her. For a moment it seemed like he was going to ask more, but then he turned his attention back to the road. "Okay."

Yuffie resisted the urge to scream. This was exactly what made Cloud such a pain in the ass. He didn't talk! Not much, anyway.

She never should have made that bet. But everyone talked like they were a couple! At least until they found out Cloud had left without a word for over a month. And Cid just had to open his big mouth.

*7*7*

"Tifa's a $#%^ saint, but she's no fool. Cloud's gonna have to do a lot more than just get his head out of his ass to fix things up with her."

Barret grunted over his beer. "I know if I did som'in' like that wi' Myrna, I'd be sleepin' on'a front steps fer weeks." He gulped down half the mug. "'Course, this's differ'nt. Boy had a lotta #$#% ta sort out. Can't help 'ut think I might be bit 'sponsible, wha' with leavin' ta settle my debts an' all."

Cid swore again. "Boy just has to man up, that's all."

"What do you know?" Yuffie had enough. "You're the one who treated Shera like a slave all because you didn't get to go into space! If I was her, I would have kicked your ass all the way to the moon!"

"You shut your mouth! That's a private matter between me an' Shera!"

"Technically," Reeve said from his mostly ignored spot at the table, "the original topic is a private matter, as well."

Cid grumbled, but settled back in his seat.

Silence didn't last long. "Two weeks."

The three men at the table looked at Yuffie. Barret spoke first. "Wha' you talkin' 'bout?"

Yuffie grinned. "I bet Tifa and Cloud are going to be together within two weeks. And not just 'living under the same roof,' I mean _together_."

"HA! That's a good one!" Cid nearly dropped his cigarette as he laughed. "Those two move so slow, glaciers could out run 'em. You're on."

"You better be ready to pay up when I win, old man."

"Not gonna happen."

*7*7*

It was starting to look like Cid might have been right. Not that Yuffie was ever going to admit it. Well, she still had eleven days. Something was bound to happen.

*7*7*

"Welcome back, Cloud."

"Hey." Cloud slid onto a stool near the gate in the bar. There weren't many customers left this close to closing time. "Sorry it took me so long."

"That's all right. Did Yuffie give you any trouble?" Tifa set the plate of food she'd kept on the warming plate in front of him.

Cloud took a couple bites before answering. "No. She was actually pretty quiet until I asked if she was sick."

Tifa laughed. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because she was so quiet. Even when she's motion sick she complains a lot."

Tifa continued to laugh silently as she collected empty glasses from the various tables. Between bites, Cloud watched her. Soon, the last customer left and Tifa came back to sit with him. They were quiet for a long time before Cloud spoke.

"Thank you."

"Hmm?" Tifa tilted her head to one side. "For what?"

"Letting me come back." He didn't look her directly at her as he said that, his eyes instead drifting over the tabletop.

Tifa smiled. "This is your home, Cloud."

"Yeah." Cloud stood and took his plate to the sink. After washing it, he walked to the stairs. For a moment he stopped halfway through the doorway. "I guess I can't sleep in the church now that most of the floor is gone."

Tifa stared at the doorway even after Cloud left. It was hard to tell, but she thought he might have been joking.

*7*7*

"AH! I'm so glad everyone's okay!" Yuffie ran around hugging everyone who had been quarantined because of Geostigma. They were back in their own homes, too, as the huts built for them outside the town had been torn down.

The best part was she got to tell everyone how awesome she was fighting the strange Bahamut summon in Edge. Very few people believed her, but at least she got to talk about it.

Once she was alone, though, her thoughts went back to her bet with Cid. She had thought about it a lot on the boat, too. When she wasn't being sick. Or wondering how big a reception she'd get.

What stuck out, finally, was what Tifa said about them having busy jobs. She should invite them to Wutai. Or maybe talk them into going to the Gold Saucer. She wondered if Cloud still had that lifetime pass.

No. That didn't solve anything. Because they were both probably too thick to realize that they could take a day or two off and have fun.

Even so, it was the best idea she'd come up with, so she was still trying to find some way to make it work when she passed by the weapon shop. The owner came out and hung a sign on the door. It read "Closed for Business."

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Hmm?" The old man turned around. His face lit up when he saw Yuffie. "Ah, little Yuffie, you're back. I heard about what happened. Looks like you've redeemed yourself."

Her frown turned out more like a pout. "You mean there are people still blaming me for Geostigma? It had nothing to do with me!"

"Of course, of course," the man said, his hands up in an attempt to calm the girl down. "But it takes time for some people to see that."

To his shock, Yuffie was calm almost before he finished explaining. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. What I wanted to ask you about was that sign."

"Hmm? What? The closed sign? What about it?"

"Can I buy it?"

If the shop owner was confused before, this sent his head spinning. "Wha... what on Gaia could you possibly need it for?"

"It's not for me, it's for some friends. Look, can I just buy it? How much?"

The man ran a palm over his face. "It's not for sale. But I can tell you where I got it from."

* * *

_I find it strange that so many fanfic writers make Yuffie obsessed with the relationships of her fellow AVALANCHE members. The only obsession she's ever demonstrated was for materia. If she were to try playing matchmaker, then there'd probably be an ulterior motive. Like winning a bet. Also, I wanted to write a fanfic that explains why she sent Cloud a "Closed For Business" sign._


	8. Changeling

*I'm a big fan of folklore and mythology, especially those of northern Europe since that's where my ancestors are from. You might say I'm mixing fandoms here, but Final Fantasy VII is just so full of references to Norse myth that I couldn't resist.*

**Changeling**

"Cloud, are you busy?"

Cloud turned around in his chair. (Tifa had insisted he get one rather than use a box.) Denzel stood fidgeting in the doorway with Marlene dancing on her toes behind him. Marlene seemed to be holding a large notebook. "Not really."

"Okay." Denzel hesitated for a moment, giving Marlene more than enough opening.

"We're making something for Tifa and want you to help!"

"For Tifa? All right. What do you need help with?"

Marlene grinned and darted into the room past Denzel. An action Denzel protested, as he apparently wanted to call dibs on sitting next to Cloud.

The mini argument was settled when Cloud moved to the cot with Marlene on his left and Denzel on his right. Marlene thrust the notebook into Cloud's face.

"We're writing stories!"

"Not just any stories," Denzel added. "Tifa told us a story from Nibelheim last night at bedtime."

"And she looked so... Denzel, what was the word she used for her feeling?"

"Nostalgic."

"So we decided to write the story down, and any other stories we could find."

Denzel looked uncomfortable again. "I know you don't talk about your home much, but we thought... maybe..."

Cloud hadn't moved since Denzel mentioned Nibelheim. Denzel's hesitation brought him back to the present. He placed what he hoped was a comforting hand on the boy's head. "I don't know many stories."

"That's all right." Marlene opened the notebook. "For now we just need help spelling some things."

Denzel smiled. The hand must have worked. "There's an 'e' in 'changeling,' right?"

Cloud nearly froze again. "What?"

"We're trying to spell 'changeling.' Denzel thinks there's an 'e' in it, but I think the 'e' gets dropped. So who's right? Cloud?"

"Sorry." Cloud shook his head, fighting off the urge to make some excuse to send the kids away, or for him to leave. "Do you have a spare page? I'll write it once, and then you can both write it ten times so you remember it."

Marlene tore a page out of the back and handed it, the notebook, and her pencil to Cloud. He printed the word a lot faster than he usually did for them.

After she and Denzel finished copying, Marlene not-so-subtly coughed. "Denzel, I'm thirsty."

"So?"

"Can you get water for all of us? That way we won't have to make a lot of trips."

"Um. Okay." Denzel looked a little confused, but he left, anyway.

Marlene looked up at Cloud. "Did we say something wrong?"

Cloud shook his head, which only got a frown from Marlene.

"But you started acting distant after we told you what we wanted help with." The frown faded a little. "Is it because the past is painful?"

Cloud smiled softly as he set his hand on her shoulder. "Has anyone told you that you're very perceptive?"

"What does perceptive mean?"

"That you notice a lot of things."

"I think Tifa said something like that. So does that mean I was right?"

Cloud pulled on her shoulder a little so he had her in a sort of half hug. "Close. Some memories are more painful than others."

Denzel came in soon after, looking a little put off that Marlene was getting a hug from his hero. He set the tray of glasses on Cloud's desk before scooting back to his place next to Cloud. Though he'd never ask for one, he leaned in closer than before in the hopes that Cloud might share the hug. Just a little one, though. He was a boy, after all.

"Thanks, Denzel!" Marlene picked up one of the glasses and took a big gulp. "We don't really need any more help right now, so is it all right if we stay here and write and we can ask if we need help spelling something?"

Both Denzel and Cloud stared at her as if she had suddenly started speaking a foriegn language.

"That's... fine." Cloud stood, still not having given Denzel a hug, but at least he got his hair ruffled.

For a while, everything was peaceful. Denzel and Marlene sat with their heads together and pencils working furiously. Cloud sat at his desk sorting the photos he'd taken that week.

Except he wasn't really looking at the pictures. His thoughts were miles away and over a decade in the past.

*7*7*

Five-years-old and half a foot shorter than every other kid his age. He stood just inside the front door of his house, hidden from view as his mother argued with an older woman.

"I will not! You insist on taking care of that changeling, then that's your business, but I will not spend a single night under the same roof as... that!"

Finally, his mother sighed and returned to the house. Cloud scampered to his bed. She never knew that he heard.

She smiled brightly at him. "I have to go out for a while. Can you be a big boy and stay inside until I get back?"

Cloud nodded and her smile widened. She flitted about the tiny house, preparing meals, talking about what she would bring back, and instructing him on what to do until her return.

*7*7*

"Granny told me he's a changeling."

"That's stupid. Fae aren't real."

"Well, he's sure funny looking enough."

"And he got Tifa hurt. He walked from the mountain all by himself with barely a scratch."

"So how do we find out?"

"My dad's got an old fireplace poker. I think it's made out of iron. We could, I dunno, poke him with it."

*7*7*

"That boy is nothing but trouble."

*7*7*

"You should have followed my advice and left him on the mountain as a baby."

*7*7*

"Worthless."

*7*7*

"Cloud?"

A little finger poked him in the side, bringing him out of his memories. "Hmm? Marlene?"

Marlene's eyes were wide with concern. "You've been staring at your desk for ages. Are you okay?"

Cloud nodded. "Just... tired. What time is it?"

"Eight. Tifa's really busy, so can you tuck us in?" Marlene glanced behind her. When she turned back, she had a big smile on her face. "If you do it, Denzel won't complain about being too old to get tucked in."

That seemed odd, but Cloud shrugged and agreed. Thankfully, neither child asked for a story from Nibelheim.

*7*7*

Despite his earlier claim of being tired, Cloud couldn't sleep. Closing his eyes only brought images of his childhood. He'd been trying so hard to think about the present instead of the past, too.

Sometime after midnight he finally had enough and got up. He'd hoped to get out of the room without Tifa noticing, but her voice called to him the moment he touched the door.

"Cloud? Is something wrong?"

"No. Just forgot something."

"Oh. All right."

He could tell that she didn't quite believe him. She sounded disappointed. He hated that. He was trying to open up more, really, but he couldn't talk to her about this. How was he supposed to explain it? She probably didn't even remember. It wasn't a big deal to anyone except him.

Brooding did little good, he knew that. Still, he knew of few alternatives when he felt like this. He wandered into his office and stared at the pictures covering the wall over his desk. Mountains, plains, the new park that was being built with Denzel and Marlene playing around the newly finished area. On his desk was the picture they'd taken after Sephiroth's second (and hopefully final) defeat.

He smiled a little. Eight months had passed since then. Things were going well. He really should just get over it. If only it was that simple.

A foreign shape on his cot drew his attention. The kids had left their notebook behind.

His intention had been simply to return it to their room, but something, perhaps morbid curiosity, lead him to sit down and fold back the cover.

*7*7*

_A pretty lady gave birth to a baby boy. She loved her baby very much, but one day the fairies took him away and left a changeling in his crib. Even though she was sad, the lady was so good and kind that she treated the changeling just like her baby._

_The town's people were angry and said she should abandon the changeling. She couldn't take her baby out because people would throw rocks. Even her husband told her to throw him out so they could get their really baby back._

_But she wouldn't and treated him as kindly as any mommy would. Her husband was so angry he left their home._

_As he was walking through the woods, he met a little boy. The little boy was his son and told him that because his mommy treated the changeling so well, the fairies had to treat him just as well. After time, they grew tired because they knew they had no hold on the lady. So they let the little boy go._

*7*7*

Cloud's eyes misted with unshed tears. Not so much from the story, though that was part of it, the tears came when he read the notes Marlene and Denzel wrote after it.

_Tifa said this is one of her __favrits__ favorites. I like the lady. She was nice when everyone else was mean._

_I feel sorry for the changeling. I hope the lady got to keep him and her real son. Maybe they could move somewhere nicer._

Cloud closed the notebook. Silently, he slipped into the kids' room and put it on the desk on top of Marlene's drawings. Then he returned to his own bed.

"Cloud? Did you take care of the thing you forgot?"

"Yeah." Cloud smiled. "I'm glad you're telling stories to Marlene and Denzel."

"Oh. Um. All right. Good night, Cloud."

"Good night, Tifa."

* * *

_Changeling stories are pretty common in Europe. In most of them the way to get rid of the changeling and restore the real baby is either to abuse the changeling or trick it into revealing its true age. I've only run into one example where kindness to the changeling was rewarded. That one story is the basis for the story Tifa told to Marlene and Denzel._

_Honestly, I think Cloud was more ignored than teased as a kid. He wouldn't be trying so hard to be noticed if he was constantly picked on. At least, that's my experience. But I do think there were incidents, and there probably was a reason, or two or three, for why he was thought of so poorly. The idea of the old folk accusing him of being a changeling and that prejudice trickling down from that came to me when I read how one detects a changeling._

_He's certainly small and kind of funny looking. Just look at the hair. While there's no evidence that he was a sickly kid, he could easily have been colicky as a baby. He probably acted funny, too. After all, his eight-year-old self thought Tifa's friends were immature when all evidence points to them behaving like normal children._


	9. Silly Conversations

**Silly Conversations**

The days passed with a certain level of normalcy. Cloud woke at 4:30 and did his morning training in his office. Denzel woke up half an hour later and tried to join him. At the time, Cloud was on one-handed push-ups, so he encouraged Denzel to try normal push-ups instead. The nine-year-old (almost ten) managed ten before his arms gave out.

Soon, Tifa got up and started breakfast. While she, Cloud, and Denzel ate, Marlene wandered downstairs, still sleepy and a little worried that Denzel wasn't in his bed.

Cloud left for his deliveries after that. Marlene and Denzel helped Tifa set up to open the bar. When business slowed they worried whether Cloud would come home or not. Marlene, or sometimes Denzel, and once in a while Tifa, would try to reassure the others that he would.

That particular day, Cloud came home a little after six. He was just putting away his phone and he had a small frown.

"Cloud? Is something wrong?"

He shook his head as Tifa set his supper in front of him. "Yuffie's been trying to call me all day. Apparently, she wants me to go to Barret's."

"Did you ask her why?"

Another shake of the head. "She's been leaving voice messages."

Tifa narrowed her eyes. "You haven't been answering your phone again."

"I've been busy." He looked up at her, eyes searching for any indication that he was in trouble, though he didn't think he should be. He had picked up whenever she called, after all.

"I know." Tifa smiled. "And I'm glad you're making an effort to get home in good time everyday."

Cloud managed a small smile in return. "It helps that there aren't any speed limits yet."

Tifa turned from refilling a customer's glass. "Cloud, was that a joke?"

"Uh..." Cloud scratched his head, a nervous habit that remained from his identity crisis. "Yeah. Sort of. ... It was pretty bad, wasn't it."

"No. No, it's fine. I'm glad."

"Glad?" Now he looked confused.

"Well..." Tifa looked around, and both were reminded that they had an audience. "A lot of people don't have a sense of humor after a long day at work."

Cloud returned his gaze to his food. "A lot of people don't get to eat your food everyday."

Tifa smiled as she continued serving customers drinks and food. That conversation with Cloud felt so normal. Light. Silly.

It reminded her of how things were before everything started to fall apart.

Cloud probably felt it, too, because he didn't say another word until he finished eating and went upstairs to his office.

Though, actually, his first stop was the kids' room where Marlene and Denzel were busy debating what colors to use in a drawing. For a moment, he hesitated. In that moment, they noticed his presence and ran to him. The resulting hugs still felt awkward to him at the start, but the initial moment of stiffness was getting shorter with each repetition and the return pats on the head were less hesitant.

"I could use some help sorting through receipts."

The cheerful shouts and eagerness to get started still surprised him. He had practically abandoned them for over a month. He was horrible at communicating, worse at telling stories, and didn't know the first thing about playing games. Even now that he was back he still spent most of the day on the road. Why would they want to be with him so much?

"Cloud, what does this mean?"

"Oh! I know that one, Marlene. It means the customer refused to pay, so Cloud isn't going to accept any more jobs from them. Right, Cloud?" Denzel grinned even wider than he had at the healing spring.

Cloud nodded, a small smile barely visible at the corners of his mouth. Whatever reason they had for enjoying his company, he couldn't complain. Times like this made him feel like giving up the delivery service and spending all his time with them. A strange feeling, given that a few short months before, this same sort of situation had him wanting to be anywhere else.

Soon, too soon, both kids started to nod off and he helped Tifa get them ready for bed.

"They're good kids."

Tifa turned to look back at Cloud as they went down stairs. "Yes. They look up to you, you know."

He kept his eyes fixed on the steps. "Why?"

Tifa's heart sank. He couldn't be sinking into depression again, could he? But, if he was, at least he was talking about it. Even though it hurt, she had to be there for him.

"They look up to you because you're you, Cloud. They..." She didn't know how to explain it. "Maybe you should ask them yourself sometime."

"Maybe."

They barely spoke for the rest of the day. Cloud helped her close up the bar and then they went to bed. As usual, Cloud didn't enter the room until Tifa was finished changing. The gesture was appreciated and infuriating at the same time. Granted, she did intend to take things slow, but she couldn't help thinking about that night they shared under the Highwind. The emotions were confusing.

"Cloud?"

"Hmm?" His voice was muffled by his pillow.

"Are you... really going to stay?"

He sat up then. "Yes. I promised." For a long time, Tifa thought that was all he was going to say. "I understand if that's not enough."

Tifa sighed. "Oh, Cloud. I know you always mean to keep your promises. It's just... I get anxious, especially when you act like you're blaming yourself again."

Silence again as Cloud settled back onto his bed.

"I'm staying. For as long as you want me."

* * *

_The family dynamic at Seventh Heaven is very interesting. Tifa fits rather easily into a mother role. Marlene certainly sees her that way, being practically raised by her, and I think Denzel is probably starting to see her that way, too. So in a way, Tifa is a single mom with two kids. Yet there's also Cloud to consider. Where does he fit? I think he doesn't quite know, either. Big brother? Father figure? He's unfamiliar with both roles. Would he even be comfortable with the responsibility of fatherhood this soon after Advent Children? That said, I disagree strongly with fanfic writers who have Cloud run out on his family again. They ignore the character development he went through in the movie. He's healing. Slowly, and he might take steps backward, everyone does, but I don't think he'll abandon his family again._


	10. Special Delivery

**Special Delivery**

The phone rang just as the coast south of Junon came into view. Barely slowing down, Cloud brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"What do you know, he picked up!" The voice on the other end was, to Cloud's relief, rough and definitely male. Cid. "Yuffie was crabbing about you not answering."

That again? It wasn't like he was the only member of their group who avoided phones. "Yeah, I've been busy." He had started out nodding, forgetting for a moment that Cid couldn't see him.

And people wondered why he didn't answer the phone.

"That's nice." Cid sounded oddly monotone. "I'm supposed to tell you to head over to Barret's place."

"I'm booked today." And what was so important about going to Barret's?

Cid's voice went back to normal, that is, loud and angry. "Look, just show up! I don't want any part of all this!" Click.

*7*7*

Cid glared at the offending device in his hand. He was still sure that little ninja was up to something. She was always up to something. True, he checked her claim that Barret just had some gifts he wanted delivered, but that didn't release his suspicions. If anything, it raised them.

To make matters worse, the whole thing had him torn. On the one hand, he feared for his pocket book should Yuffie actually win their bet. On the other, he was getting fed up with the way those kids danced around each other. It reminded him too much of his and Shera's relationship, minus the verbal abuse.

*7*7*

Cloud stopped by the side of the road to stare at his phone. He'd been like that for almost a minute and he still hadn't figured out why Cid had acted so strangely. Only one way to find out. He ran through his contacts so he could call Tifa and let her know he'd be late.

... No. No good. She'd be in the middle of serving lunch and he didn't want to interrupt her. He'd call later.

*7*7*

He sighed when his phone rang later that afternoon. Since when had he become so popular? And why couldn't this have happened when he was fourteen?

This time he checked the caller ID. Vincent. "Hello?"

"I have a message from Yuffie: Get over to Barret's." Short and to the point, definitely Vincent, with a little bit of annoyance added in.

"I'm on my way now." Cloud resisted the mild urge to ask Vincent how he liked having a cell phone.

Probably just as well. "And give Yuffie this message from me: This is my phone. She has no right to call it."

Cloud breathed out a laugh, resisting the somewhat stronger urge to tell Vincent that the whole point of a phone was so people could call it. "I'll let her know."

Thankfully, Barret wasn't staying in Corel at the moment. The oil rig he was working on was a little ways south of the crater one of the WEAPONs caused. The roads in the area were still iffy, at best, but nothing he couldn't handle.

If Fenrir's suspension could handle flying off the end of an elevated highway, it could handle an unmaintained dirt track.

Barret greeted him almost as soon as he got off the motorcycle. "I've been waiting! I've got some work for you. Deliver this to Marlene, and this one to Denzel." Marlene's gift was hard to identify, but the sloppily wrapped package for Denzel was obviously some sort of helmet. What Barret thought the kid would need a helmet for, he had no idea. "And this one here, it's for you from Yuffie."

Cloud eyed the neat little brown paper box suspiciously, almost fearing that it would literally blow up in his face. "What's inside?"

Barret shrugged. "She didn't say. You'll just have to open it and-Whoa, what's the hurry?" He half reached out as Cloud tore open the box. Inside lay a simple piece of wood, some sort of Wutanese pine from the smell, with lettering branded expertly on one side. "What the hell? It's a 'Closed for Business' sign."

Cloud felt himself start to smile. Maybe their resident thief was learning subtlety.

*7*7*

The phone rang three times before he heard the click of someone picking up. Marlene and Denzel's presents were stashed in Fenrir's rear compartment while the sign lay in his opposite hand so he could stare at it.

"Cloud, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"It's getting late. Do you have many more deliveries today?"

"All I've got left are the Midgar deliveries. Why, did a client come in?" _Or do you miss me?_

"Yes. The couple who own the repair shop down the street were wondering if you could pick up some parts for them either today or tomorrow."

"Tell them no. I'm taking tomorrow off." Turning down neighbors, especially ones he actually liked, made him feel a little guilty, but he had made up his mind.

"You are?" There was almost too much surprise in Tifa's voice. Was he that much of a workaholic? "Why?"

"No reason." And awkward silence. Another reason he didn't like talking on the phone, he could never tell if the other person just wasn't talking or if they'd been disconnected. "Hey, Tifa. Can you close the bar tomorrow?"

"Of course."

Cloud smiled. "That was easy."

"Well, if you're taking the day off, too, I think it might be a good opportunity for all of us to spend some time together. Maybe go out someplace." Her voice got softer as she spoke, until even Cloud had to strain to hear her.

"Okay. Tell Denzel and Marlene. I'll see you later."

* * *

_I did this mainly because we don't get to hear Tifa's side of the conversation in __**Reminiscence of FFVII**__, even though we hear everyone else's side. Also, I think it helps show that Cloud isn't the brooding, angsty, pathetic shell of a man people accuse him of being. Okay, so he may still have a tendency to brood. He's a rather introspective sort of person. Brooding is going to happen._


	11. That Day, Right Now

**That Day, Right Now**

Marlene hadn't let go of the stuffed chocobo Barret gave her since Cloud came back with the packages. That was nearly a full twenty-four hours ago. Denzel, on the other hand, had pushed his present away once it turned out to be a motorcycle helmet. To quote:

"Cloud doesn't wear a helmet."

Cloud groaned, not sure how to even begin to counter that argument. Tifa looked concerned for a moment before she started to giggle.

"Cloud, you used to wear a helmet, didn't you?" Tifa said.

"Huh? Oh." He looked away for a moment, not sure where to start there, either. When he did look up he almost winced at the way Tifa looked. He recognized a feeling he'd had all too often. Guilt. "I was in the army. The uniform included a helmet. It saved my life a few times."

Denzel listened with eyes and ears wide open. "So why don't you wear one now?"

Cloud rubbed the back of his neck. "Hmm, well, now my skull is too thick to need one." He almost smiled at the way Tifa fought down a laugh.

Marlene had no need or desire to restrain herself. She nearly rolled onto her back laughing. "Yeah. And you don't want to be as thickheaded as Cloud, Denzel."

While Cloud wondered if he should feel offended at that, Denzel stared at the helmet.

Tifa took action next. "You know, this helmet is the same color as Fenrir. Maybe if you wore it, Cloud would feel comfortable taking you on some of his delivery runs."

Both Cloud and Denzel went wide-eyed at that, though for different reasons.

"Really?"

"Uh, I guess. For some of the closer ones, anyway." He nodded, more of a firm jerk of the head than anything. "Yeah. It's a good idea."

Denzel wore the helmet for the rest of the day. The next morning, both children pounced on Cloud the moment he got up.

"Aren't you two usually asleep right now?" Cloud said, looking over to make sure Tifa hadn't been disturbed by the noise. If she was, she didn't show it.

"Usually we don't get to spend the whole day with you." Marlene tugged on Cloud's arm. "Come on, I want to make Tifa breakfast in bed!"

Cloud let himself be lead even while he tried to form a protest. "I can't cook."

Denzel stared at him in disbelief. "You can't?"

Cloud shook his head while he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "There's a lot of things I never learned."

"Then we'll teach you! Right, Denzel?"

"Uh..." Denzel looked between Marlene and Cloud. "I don't know how to cook, either."

Marlene looked confused for a moment, then shrugged. "Boys. Come on, I'll teach both of you!"

The resulting disaster ended with juice, cereal, and toast being the edible survivors. The toast was questionable. The scrambled eggs had been scrambled, all over the kitchen, and the bacon... Perhaps it was best left unmentioned.

"How did you manage to make oatmeal _explode_?" Tifa finally managed to ask, once the horrified shock of what happened to her kitchen subsided.

Marlene and Denzel looked at Cloud, who refused to look at anything other than his bare feet.

"I said I should be in charge of the stove," Marlene said, "but Cloud said it wasn't safe."

Denzel jumped to Cloud's defense. "It wasn't safe! After the fire..."

"Wait. There was a fire?"

"Mm-hmm. But Cloud put it out with the last of the apple juice. That's why we have grape for your breakfast."

"Cloud was fast! You should have seen it!"

"I'm really sorry about the eggs. I didn't know how many you wanted, so I tried to take out as many as I could carry."

"Cloud caught a lot of them before they hit the floor, but most of them broke, anyway."

"He let us beat them, too. I was a lot more careful than Denzel."

"You just said we had to beat the eggs. You didn't say how."

"I didn't think you would SMASH it!"

Through the entire explanation, which was quickly turning into an argument, Cloud kept his eyes steadily on the ground. Eventually, he moved from between the kids, picked up the tray of at least marginally edible food, and held it out to Tifa.

"Good morning."

Tifa took the tray and a moment to really take in the scene. The counters were caked in oatmeal and egg. The floors were slick with egg, egg shells decorated every surface, and she could definitely see the blackened remains of whatever had been the cause of the fire. Probably the bacon everyone refused to talk about. Apple juice dripped down the front of the stove, pooling near where Marlene and Denzel continued their debate over who did the worst job making breakfast. Both of them had bits of egg, oatmeal, bread, and some substance that Tifa thought best not to identify stuck in their hair and smeared over their clothes. Cloud looked much the same, though the only clothes he had on were a pair of pants.

Tifa refocused her attention to her breakfast tray as a viscus glob of attempted breakfast oozed down his hard chest toward his abs. "It looks, um, great. I think before you try this again, I should give everyone some cooking lessons."

Cloud finally looked up, his eyes screaming for her to never let him near anything food related ever again. Denzel looked somewhat apprehensive as well, though not nearly as much as his hero. Marlene was ecstatic.

"We should start with eggs, since that's what they had the most trouble with."

Tifa smiled. "I think oatmeal might be a better starting point."

*7*7*

Once the kitchen was cleaned and everyone dressed, the fun started. Marlene and Denzel rarely got to spend more than a few minutes with Cloud, so they dragged him off to play for as long as they could. Tifa smiled at how eager they were, and how awkward Cloud was at trying to understand what they were doing.

Still, she felt... torn. She was happy that everyone else was happy, but also left out. Of course, she spent every day with them, but she rarely got a chance to really play with them. They never fought for her attention like they did for Cloud's. But Cloud had been gone for so long. They were the children she was raising.

And she wanted to spend time with Cloud, too.

But she didn't say anything, because for as awkward as he was, Cloud seemed to enjoy spending time with the kids. And they certainly enjoyed spending time with him.

"No, no, Cloud! You can't move now!"

"Why not?"

"Because, it's the geese's turn and you're the fox."

"No, Cloud! You have to jump over the geese!"

"What?"

"Maybe we should play something simpler next."

Tifa smiled, though she felt a little sad. As adorable as watching him with the kids was, it reminded her of how lonely his childhood had been. She couldn't imagine not knowing how to play Fox and Geese. And, yet, he even managed to look a little lost playing catch.

Finally, they got the kids to bed and Tifa thought that was the end of their day off.

Until Cloud led her out to Fenrir.

"Cloud? Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

She didn't ask anymore. Just leaned into him as they raced through the wastelands. The last time she'd ridden with him was when they were fighting that Bahamut summon a little over a week ago. Then there hadn't been much time to appreciate how riding behind Cloud on that monster he called a motorcycle felt. The roar in her ears and the rumble against her legs. The world seemed to melt away into a blur until the only things that existed were her, the motorcycle, and Cloud.

"I think I know why you like doing deliveries so much." By the time they stopped on the crest of a low hill, Tifa could barely feel her legs.

Cloud gave her a shy smile and led her to a rock looking over the edge of the wasteland. Above them, the stars shown through clear, clean air. Behind them, bits of grass and flowers fought for a place that might have healed enough to support a tiny spark of life.

"It's beautiful, Cloud."

"Yeah."

They were quiet for a time, until Tifa grew restless. "Was there... something you wanted to talk about?"

"Word's aren't the only way to show someone how you feel."

Tifa blinked as she looked up at Cloud. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized he was looking at her, too.

"That's what you told me back then. It's funny. I've thought about all the things I want to tell you, and I still can't figure out how to say it." He shifted his gaze to the sky, much to Tifa's relief. "All I know is... The way I felt then is how I feel now. No." He shook his head. "I think those feelings are stronger now."

_"He practically proposed to you!"_

Tifa shifted in her seat. The memory of that night under the Highwind mixed with her conversation with Yuffie. He couldn't mean it, could he? He said himself that he didn't know how to describe how he felt. In so many ways he was still a child. Was he even capable of understanding what such a relationship meant? What if he ran away again, despite his promise not to?

There was only one way to find out. She had to take her own advice and stop dilly-dallying.

Making that decision was one thing. Getting the words out was another.

"Cloud, do you want me to help you find the words?"

He nodded slowly. His hand brushed her shoulder, pulling her closer.

* * *

_The remembered quote goes back to __**Ulterior Motives**__. I really like writing for Tifa and Cloud. They pretty obviously care deeply for each other, but they're also awkward and stumble around each other a lot. It's sweet and frustrating all at once. And I want to hug Cloud so much. He skipped a lot of growing up._

_Cloud's lack of familiarity with basic games comes partially from my Dad. I wouldn't say he had a lonely childhood, exactly, but Dad was an only child, like Cloud, and there weren't many kids his age in the neighborhood. At least that's the impression I've gotten. But, honestly, how does someone not know how to play Crazy 8s?  
_


	12. Fatherhood

*This went through a lot of rewrites. And I wanted it to be ready by Father's Day, too. ~.~ At least one rewrite was more like Case of Tifa from Cloud's point of view and kept getting way off track. They all went way off track, but I think this time I have it figured out. I just tried to write it from the wrong view.*

* * *

**Fatherhood**

Denzel woke up to fine the room still dark. He couldn't even tell if it was still evening or if morning was coming.

At least the Geostigma wasn't hurting quite as much.

Still, he didn't want to go back to sleep, even though he was horribly tired. More like he couldn't go back to sleep. He might have that nightmare again.

But he didn't want to wake Marlene, either. So he just stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing morning would come.

He stayed like that for a long time. Or so it felt. There were a lot of sounds at night if one took the time to listen.

Marlene's breathing.

The thunk of air bubbles in the water pipes.

A constant mechanical hum that he still couldn't identify.

Nearly silent footsteps.

Denzel froze for a moment before turning his head toward the door. A dark shape moved past the doorway, part of it catching enough light to reveal spiky yellow hair.

Cloud. Denzel relaxed a little, though he still wondered why Cloud would be up at this time. He'd already been home when Denzel went to bed and he was heading in the wrong direction for just returning for work, anyway.

The bathroom wasn't downstairs, either.

He heard the door to Cloud's office open and close. Was there something he'd forgotten to do yesterday?

Or maybe it was already four-thirty, though it seemed awfully dark out for that time.

Curiosity eventually won out and Denzel crept out of bed.

The door, of course, was shut. Denzel didn't dare open it, so he sat against the wall of the landing and listened.

The floor creaked rhythmically on the other side. That was the only sound. Cloud never made any noises himself when he trained. No grunts, no hard breaths, nothing. He made everything look so easy.

Denzel looked down at his skinny arms and legs then felt along the edge of the scar Geostigma left. Maybe if he were as strong as Cloud he wouldn't be sick.

It was worth a try.

He got through two squats when the door opened. Denzel stumbled and landed on his butt looking up at Cloud wreathed in moonlight. The only part of his face Denzel could see was his faintly glowing eyes.

Denzel had never seen anyone look so cool and terrify all at once.

"Trouble sleeping?"

Cloud's soft voice broke Denzel out of his daze. He dropped his eyes to the floor and nodded. Just as well, since the next moment the landing was flooded in artificial light.

Blinking, Denzel glanced up. Cloud had flipped on the light to his office and stood to one side of the door.

An invitation. One Denzel hesitated to take, but that he accepted nonetheless.

Inside, he could see the clock on the phone. Barely past midnight.

Did Cloud have trouble sleeping, too?

Denzel looked up at Cloud. Strong, stoic, intimidating Cloud. He couldn't imagine anything that could trouble his hero that much.

Cloud strode to the cot and sat down. A slight motion of his hand indicated that he wanted Denzel to sit with him. Both remained silent for a long time.

"If you're in pain, I can get Tifa."

Denzel shook his head. Geostigma always hurt, but right now it felt more like the kind of headache he got with a head cold. A mild one, at that.

They sat some more. One unused to maintaining conversations and the other feeling small and insignificant.

"Nightmare?"

Denzel looked up. Cloud wasn't looking at him, but he felt like there had been a note of sympathy in that one word. Maybe understanding.

What could give his hero nightmares?

Cloud glanced down at him and he turned away. Slowly, he nodded.

"I... I dreamed everyone died." Denzel swallowed. "They were all oozing the black puss and it... started chasing me." He curled up his knees to his chin and hugged his legs. "And I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. And... Ms. Ruvie was there but it wasn't her..."

Cloud didn't move for a while. He just looked a the little boy struggling not to cry.

What could he do? He didn't know how to comfort people. He fought things. Killed things. Sometimes it felt like that was all he could do.

A memory of sorts drifted in the back of his mind and he acted on it. Slowly, uncertain if he was doing the right thing, he raised his hand and set it on Denzel's head.

No words. Just a small gesture. Fingers ruffling already untidy hair. A point of contact that he hoped would act as the anchor he intended it as.

He'd never been an anchor for someone else. For a moment he panicked, jerking his hand away out of fear.

Denzel looked back up at him with a look that was... sad? Reading expresions had never been easy for him, but whatever mix of emotions was there it didn't belong and it seemed to be as a result of him pulling his hand away.

So, still uncertain but with more determination, he placed his hand back on Denzel's head.

The position was different this time and Cloud realized that Denzel was starting to droop towards him. One small shoulder already had a spot dug out between his ribs. Soon, Denzel's head followed, resting against the side of Cloud's chest.

"Cloud... I'm scared."

_So am I._ But he couldn't say that. He was supposed to be strong. Fearless. Certain.

But he wasn't, and he didn't want to pretend.

But he had to, because that's what Denzel needed him to be.

After all, heroes didn't have nightmares. They didn't fear their own weakness or doubt their abilities.

They also didn't let their friends down.

Denzel's eyes started to drift closed as he leaned against Cloud. Somehow, he felt safe like that. He knew Cloud could protect him from anything, even things that existed only in his head. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine he was home with his parents. Cloud was stronger and warmer than his real father, but the feeling was similar.

The next time he woke up the sun was shining and he was in his own bed. Cloud had already left on deliveries.

*7*7*

"Cloud! Come look!"

Marlene smiled as Cloud made his way slowly across the bar. He had that sad look again. Minutes after he arrived home, Denzel had another attack. Cloud took the boy to bed. Everyone felt sad that Denzel was getting sicker, but Marlene hoped that she might be able to help Cloud at least a little.

"What is it, Marlene?"

She held up the piece of paper she'd been drawing on. "It's our family! See. This is Tifa." She pointed to a figure with two long, brown lines trailing down from the sides of its head. "She's the mom, since she's raised me since I was little and she's really good at taking care of people. That's me next to her." The little figure in pink was familiar from some of her other drawings. "And that's Denzel." Another small figure on Marlene's opposite side. "We're the kids of this family. And this is you." The sunburst hair was unmistakable. "You're the dad. Well, you're not my Papa, but you can be Denzel's..."

That had been the wrong thing to say. Cloud went stiff and his eyes focused on something far away. But she didn't know how she could take back her words. She'd meant every one of them.

"Cloud?"

His eyes snapped back to the real world and finally down to her.

"Sorry. It's a nice drawing. But..." He looked toward the stairs. "I don't think Denzel would want me to take the place of his real dad."

Marlene frowned. That didn't make any sense at all to her. After all, Papa was real even if she'd had another one before him. Maybe it helped that she didn't remember her parents.

Decision made, she slipped off the seat and ran for the stairs. "I'm going to see how Denzel is doing!"

She raced up the stairs but slowed when she reached the door to her and Denzel's room. Careful to make as little sound as possible, she opened the door and slipped in. Tifa stood by his bed, a bundle of dirty bandages in her arms.

"Is he doing any better?"

Tifa smiled at Marlene, but she still looked sad. "A little. Do you want to talk to him?"

Marlene nodded.

"I think that's a good idea. Just remember to let him sleep if he needs to."

After Tifa left to dispose of the bandages, Marlene sat down next to Denzel. She held her drawing up for him to see. "Do you like it?"

Denzel started to nod, but something caught his attention, making him frown. "Is that Cloud?"

"Of course it is. Who else would it be?"

"Well..." Denzel tilted his head to one side. "Why is he holding my hand?"

Marlene shifted in her seat. "That's what I wanted to talk about. Denzel, do you think we're a family?"

"Uh. I guess."

That was a lot more vague than she had hoped. "Would you mind if Cloud was your dad?"

Denzel managed to sit up, blinking in disbelief. "C-Cloud?" He swallowed and looked over at the picture sitting on the table between his and Marlene's beds. The one of him and his parents. The picture Cloud had dug out of the ruins of Sector Seven.

_Yes! Cloud would be the coolest dad ever!_

_No! How can I think that?_

_Wouldn't my parents want me to move on?_

_But I'm dying. Who would want me as a son?_

Denzel winced. Images of his parents, Sector Seven in ruins, and all the people he'd seen die flashed in his mind. "Marlene. I..."

"Denzel?" Why did Marlene's voice seem so far away? "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. Lie down, I'm gonna get Tifa."

By the time Marlene ran out the door, the landing was empty. She had no idea that moments before Cloud had stood in that spot, stunned by what he'd just heard.

He hadn't intended to eavesdrop. There were delivery routes to check and he kept his maps in his room. He happened to reach the landing in time to hear Marlene's question and Denzel's incomplete reply.

Of course, Denzel wouldn't want him as a father. He'd said as much to Marlene, earlier. Denzel had parents, good parents from what Denzel had told him, and there was no way he could ever replace them. He didn't even know what a father was supposed to do.

*7*7*

_"I guess that only works for real families."_

The words stung at the time. They stung even more after everything was over and he had time to think about them. They hurt every time the kids smiled at him, begging for his attention. They hurt every night as he watched Tifa fall asleep.

Cloud had made a promise, to himself and to Tifa, that he would be there for them. That he would try to figure out his (many) remaining problems. That night, a little over a month after he came back and days after he and Tifa decided to be an actual couple rather than just roommates, this one problem just wouldn't let him sleep.

"Tifa? You awake?"

"Hmm. Cloud? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just... What's a 'real family?'"

Tifa sat up, the sheets on her bed sliding down her body. Cloud knew she was wearing a nightgown that covered a lot more than some things he'd seen her wear, and that they were supposed to be a couple now, but he still flushed just thinking of looking at her.

So he didn't.

"Cloud?"

He took a deep breath before speaking. "You said we weren't a real family. Is it because we aren't... related?" 'Married' had been the word to come to mind first, but he couldn't quite bring himself to mention that yet.

Tifa shifted in her bed again. "I don't think that's it. At the time, I thought that you didn't see us as a family, so even though I wanted us to be, I didn't think we were."

"So thinking we're a family will make us a family?"

Even without looking, Cloud caught Tifa shaking her head from the corner of his eye. "No. It takes work, and being there for each other, and... I'm really not sure."

"Oh."

Neither of them spoke for a while. Tifa had just started to shift back down under the covers when Cloud spoke again.

"I want to help make us a family. I'm just not sure how."

Tifa sat up again. "I don't always know, either. I think it's something we have to take one day at a time. As long as we're here for each other we should be okay."

"Yeah. You're right. Sorry for waking you."

He never got around to asking the question that bothered him the most. _What role am I supposed to have in our family?_

*7*7*

Deepground had horrible timing as far as Cloud was concerned. Though he felt a twinge of guilt at getting upset over having his honeymoon interupted when so many people had lost their lives.

The battle ended with the defeat of Omega and the disappearance of Vincent. Tifa took Shelke in while Cloud helped with the search effort. A week passed before Vincent was found in the place they really should have looked first.

Yuffie returned to Wutai after giving Vincent a piece of her mind and a hug. Vincent left for parts unknown with Shelke in tow, a rather dazed expression on his face.

Cloud thought everything would go back to normal after that. Two nights later, while he and Tifa were getting ready for bed, he found out he'd been wrong.

"Cloud, what do you think about formally adopting Denzel?"

"What?"

Tifa curled her legs up so she could rest her arms on her knees. "I was thinking we should adopt Denzel. Or at least think about it."

Cloud sat down next to Tifa on their bed. Wow. Their bed. He still wasn't used to that idea. "Why?"

"Well, I heard Barret talking to Reeve about adoption the other day. You know, back when he first started taking care of Marlene the whole process was expensive and he was afraid ShinRa would take Marlene away to one of their children's homes."

A vague memory, one of Zack's, floated to the surface. Something about runaways and stollen items. "He had good reason to worry. So he's decided to go through it now?"

Tifa settled against Cloud's shoulder, momentarily making him forget what they were talking about. "The WRO is trying to help families reunite and find homes for all the orphans. They're also investigating some people who have been collecting orphans to use as cheap labor. Reeve knows we wouldn't abuse the kids," she added quickly when she noticed Cloud tense. "I think Barret started the conversation because he doesn't want people who don't know us to make assumptions."

"Hmm. So... you want us to adopt Denzel because we might get in trouble otherwise?"

"That's not really the way I'd put it, but that is part of the reason. Another is that it would show that we're serious about keeping him."

Cloud relaxed his body, but his face remained thoughtful, almost brooding. "I don't know..."

"What's wrong?" She hadn't expected him to resist the idea like this.

"Would Denzel even want us to adopt him? I'd understand him wanting you, but I... I'm not even sure what a father does."

"Oh." Tifa didn't know what to say to that. Unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around him and settled deeper into his side. She hadn't thought about how his childhood would affect things, even though she was well aware of her own problems in that area. She dreaded what would happen when Marlene became a teenager. Tifa got 'the talk' from an elderly maiden aunt who managed to scare her bad enough that she had locked herself in her room and had loudly sworn off boys for all eternity afterward. It didn't last long, a couple days and some reassurances from one of the few girls her age, but she did not want Marlene to go through that.

But even with that, she still remembered her mom. She had something to base her own mothering on. Cloud had never known his dad. Though she had never asked, she suspected that the closest Cloud had to a positive male rolemodel was Zack.

Snuggling felt great, but she had to say something. Words were necessary for some things.

"You're doing a pretty good job right now."

"Huh?"

Tifa didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his confusion. "You make sure to spend time with the kids, you work hard, the kids adore you, the only thing you're missing is helping me discipline them."

"That's it?" Cloud settled into bed, fully enjoying having Tifa there with him. "I thought that was just being responsible."

Tifa did laugh then. "Maybe being a good person and a good parent go hand in hand."

"Maybe." As he started to drift off he murmured, "I'll talk to Denzel about it tomorrow."

*7*7*

Denzel couldn't believe what he was hearing. Adopted? By Cloud? And Tifa? For several seconds he couldn't say anything, just stare at Cloud with his jaw hanging somewhere around his feet.

Cloud apparently took it the wrong way. "I understand if you don't want to..."

"Of course I want to!" Denzel dropped his face toward the floor in an effort to hide how red his face was surely getting. "You're a hero, Cloud. My hero. You saved me."

"A hero..." Hearing Denzel say that brought back some feelings he thought he'd put behind him. Fear of failing, again, being the most prominent. "Denzel, I'm not..."

Denzel looked up through his bangs when he noticed Cloud kneel in front of him.

"I know you see me that way, but that doesn't mean I'll be a good parent. I'll probably make a lot of mistakes. Someone else might be able to do a better job."

Denzel looked straight at Cloud. "I don't want someone else! Everyone makes mistakes. M-my parents made mistakes. I... I'd really like to call you dad..."

Cloud ruffled Denzel's hair as he stood up. "I'd like that, too."

*7*7*

Another year and a half passed. For the last few days Marlene had been on what looked like a perpetual sugar high while Denzel moped about. Tifa worried about him, but she couldn't get him to say what was wrong.

Was he being teased?

Was he having trouble at school?

Then she realized. He'd started acting like this soon after Marlene went into her current mood. After she and Cloud made their announcement.

Since Denzel wouldn't talk to her about it, she thought she better mention it to Cloud after they got the kids to bed.

"Cloud, I think Denzel is upset about the baby."

"Babies." Cloud looked up from his desk. "Why would he be upset?"

Tifa fought the urge to stray off topic. She didn't know why he seemed so sure there were two in there. Wasn't that something she would notice first? "I don't know, but he's been moody ever since we told him and Marlene. Neither of us had siblings, so maybe it's a normal thing that we just don't understand, but I'm still worried."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Please." Tifa smiled. "He's always been more comfortable talking to you."

*7*7*

Cloud hadn't noticed the change in Denzel's behavior all that much until Tifa pointed it out. The next morning as he went through his training exercises, he realized that Denzel hadn't gotten up yet to join him.

The only thing that had ever stopped Denzel from getting up at 5am after Geostigma had been cured was the flu. Even then he usually put in the effort.

It took five steps for Cloud to reach the door to the kids' room. The door was partway open. Denzel was curled up as if asleep, but Cloud could hear Denzel's breathing. The boy was awake.

He opened the door the rest of way and quietly slipped into the room. Denzel shifted as Cloud sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know you're awake."

Denzel rolled onto his back, but still didn't look at Cloud.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

So much for easy. Cloud was starting to wish Tifa had taken up this task. "You're usually up by now. And don't say it's the flu, because I know it's not."

"I'm just tired, that's all."

"That never stopped you before."

Denzel rolled back onto his side away from Cloud. "Why would you care? You're all excited about..." He choked down a sob.

So Tifa was right. Of course, she usually was. "About the babies?"

Denzel nodded against his pillow.

"I don't understand."

"You're... going to have your own kids... and... I'm..."

Oh. Cloud gently gripped Denzel's shoulder. "Denzel, you're my son. You're important. And that won't change when (the _if_ he kept to himself) the babies are born." He smiled. "If anything, you'll be more important. Babies sound scary."

That got Denzel sitting up. He frowned as he tried to figure out if Cloud was kidding or not. "Why would babies be scary?"

Cloud looked entirely serious as he looked down at Denzel. "I've been reading baby books. Everything in them scares me."

Denzel laughed. Cloud Strife. Hero. Coolest guy on the planet. And he was scared of babies. He just couldn't stop until he got a pillow to the side of his head.

"Go away!" Marlene burrowed deeper into her bed.

Both Denzel and Cloud chuckled, quietly, at Marlene's expense.

* * *

_This was pretty hard to write. Probably because it's a part of life I'm unfamiliar with. I don't really know anyone who was adopted. There was a kid in the grade below me who I think was adopted, but I'm not really sure. But I wanted to write about this. I just hope I did a good job. Some of the recent chapters haven't gotten reviews and it always worries me when I don't get feedback._

_Yeah, yeah. Every author on this site begs for reviews, but how am I supposed to improve if I don't know what people think?_


	13. Cloud's Dilemma

*I over think things. It's what I do. Sometimes what I think about is... awkward. And yet, I wonder why more people don't consider this problem.*

Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII and whatnot. Believe me, I don't want the pressure.

* * *

**Cloud's Dilemma**

He tried Mideel first, but found that after the Lifestream had erupted two years ago, the survivors moved to other villages in the area. The man he was looking for wasn't among them.

Not wanting to spend more than a day away from home, he decided to give up the search until his deliveries brought him to somewhere else he could look.

Maybe he should have asked for help, but he didn't want any of his friends to know. It was hard enough without that complication. And he most certainly didn't want the Turks in on this. Bad enough he had Vincent get whatever records remained in the ShinRa mansion for him. At least Vincent didn't ask any questions. Probably assumed he wanted to know what exactly had been done to him.

In a way, it was true. Cloud wanted, no, _needed_, to know what had been done to him. More importantly, he needed to know how that would affect his relationship with Tifa.

And so he kept searching. Almost a week later he found out that the man he was looking for had moved to Edge almost a year ago to study Geostigma. If he were a more expressive man, he might have laughed. Or screamed.

All this led to him standing in front of the small clinic, trying to psych himself up to actually going inside.

Because the only reason he trusted this doctor enough even to think about meeting him again was because this doctor hadn't experimented on him while he lay helpless from mako poisoning in the Mideel clinic.

"Doctor Beck, Cloud Strife is here to see you. _The_ Cloud Strife!"

Cloud winced at how excited the receptionist sounded. He didn't think he'd ever get used to people looking at him as a hero. Especially women.

So he was all too happy to escape her adoring stare into the carefully constructed calm of the doctor's office.

The aging doctor smiled and stood from his desk. "It's been a while. I'm glad to see you're doing so well."

Cloud nodded and took the seat Dr. Beck offered him. "I want you to promise that nothing in here ever leaves this office."

Dr. Beck chuckled. "I take it you never heard of 'patient confidentiality.'" At Cloud's increasingly flat look, Dr. Beck relented. "All right, I promise. Now, what is it you wanted to see me about?"

Cloud dropped a thick folder on the desk. "This is as close to a medical history that I have. I want to know if... if it's safe for... someone to... have a relationship with me."

It took a moment for the full meaning to sink in. "Oh. I see." Dr. Beck looked at the massive, and not terribly well organized, pile on his desk. "It may take some time to familiarize myself with your case."

Cloud simply nodded, otherwise remaining perfectly still.

"Um, I doubt there's time today."

"I'm staying."

Dr. Beck sighed, a bit of a smile seeping through. "You really aren't the trusting sort, are you?"

Cloud didn't respond, so the doctor opened the file. "Let's see what we have here."

*7*7*

The good doctor didn't last fifteen minutes before he had to excuse himself. Cloud could hear retching from the restroom across the hall. By the time he returned, Dr. Beck had regained a small portion of his dignity.

"Well, if your entire 'medical' record is like that, I can see why you would be unwilling to trust doctors. Just how much time does this cover?"

"Four years."

Dr. Beck looked like he was about ready to faint, or make another run to the restroom. He stared wide eyed first at Cloud, then the contents of the file. "I suppose... I shouldn't be surprised. ShinRa always had too many secrets. That's why I retired."

"You worked for ShinRa?"

The smile Dr. Beck gave Cloud was sad. "I doubt I would have had much opportunity to become familiar with mako poisoning, otherwise. It must have been around the time Hojo took over as director of the science department that I turned in my resignation."

Cloud relaxed barely perceptively.

Dr. Beck sighed as he looked at the still massive pile in front of him. "Unless Hojo performed tests specific to your reproductive function, I don't think there will be anything in here that will help."

"Why not?" Cloud was getting nervous, despite the soothing atmosphere.

"Because of the way the human body produces cells. Did you know that every day some of the cells in your body die and are replaced? Mutations are sustained by changing the instructions for producing replacement cells. Reproductive cells are produced separately from all other cells, so they might remain normal even if the rest of the body doesn't."

While that sounded hopeful, Cloud remained tense. He had a bad feeling that he knew where this was going.

"Now, while we know that mako uniformly mutates a creature, reproductive cells included, that can't be said for other mutagens. There's also the issue of physical strength, for both you and your partner."

That just left Cloud confused. "I don't understand. I can play with the kids and handle glassware without any problems."

"Ah..." This time it was Dr. Beck's turn to feel uncomfortable. For years most of his patients had been too old for intimacy to be much of a concern. More recently his patients had been too sick. "Have you ever had intercourse?"

Cloud blushed and found a spot on his knees to examine in detail. "Not... quite."

That made sense. From what little Dr. Beck knew, Cloud had spent most of his sexually mature life either fighting or being experimented on. And the young man didn't seem the sort to try one night stands. Though the 'quite' seemed rather interesting, and might be the reason he was sitting here right now.

"In brief, there are certain involuntary muscle movements that are part of the process. No matter how much self-restraint you may have normally, there is no way of controlling that."

Cloud blanched, though his expression remained unchanged. "So you're saying that any relationship I have with..." He looked to the side. "I can't be with her like that."

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. While there is a high probability of that being the case, I can't say for certain without evaluating both of you."

"No." Cloud's eyes shot back to focus on Dr. Beck's face. "No tests. No 'evaluating.' Not on either of us."

Dr. Beck sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I understand your dislike for doctors. From what little I've read, I'm surprised you came to me at all. But you have to understand something. I'm not Hojo." He released a weary but amused snort. "If I found myself turning into him, I wouldn't be here talking to you, I'd be hanging from the ceiling of my bedroom."

"I understand. I just... haven't told her about this. I don't want her to know."

Male pride? It was a sensitive topic even under the most normal of circumstances. "Well, I can order some tests that don't require your partner. A basic sperm count and genetic screening, nothing invasive." The last was added somewhat hastily as Dr. Beck remembered Cloud's earlier reaction to the idea of testing. "Relative strength will still be a large factor to consider, however."

Cloud nodded. "Fine. You can do those tests. I'll think about telling her."

It was a start.

*7*7*

Seeing Dr. Beck had been a mistake. He couldn't think about anything other than... that... for the rest of the day. Never mind how awkward it made his deliveries, he dreaded what might happen when he got home. He considered spending the night at the church.

And immediately cursed himself.

He had promised Tifa, Marlene, and Denzel that he wouldn't run away anymore. Couldn't he go a month without hiding from them?

No, he wasn't hiding, he was avoiding an awkward situation. Giving himself some time to think and clear his head.

That was part of his excuse last time, too.

He wanted to make things work this time. The planet had already given him a third chance at life, he couldn't screw it up again. He just really needed to think.

Before he had finished deciding, he was already at the church. The place looked a lot better than it did almost four weeks ago. The area was cleared of debris and some men from Edge had started repairing the damage caused during both his and Tifa's fights there. The work hadn't gotten far, but at least it was easier for people to get to the healing pool now.

Yeah. That's right. People were still coming here. He could see a couple kids at the door and there were probably more inside. It wouldn't be a quiet place again for a while, if ever.

Aerith probably didn't mind, she had always liked people, but Cloud felt... he wasn't sure. Violated, maybe. And a little guilty because he shouldn't feel like that. It wasn't really his place, after all, even if he'd called it that not long ago. It was her's, and now it belonged to everyone looking for healing. Just like he'd gone there for healing. And like a child, he wasn't sure he liked sharing.

As if trying to piece together how he felt about Tifa wasn't hard enough. Did other people have this much trouble sorting out their emotions, or was it just him?

With a sigh, he resigned himself to going home and, hopefully, not acting like an idiot.

*7*7*

"Cloud's late again." Marlene set her tray of empty glasses on the counter behind the bar.

Tifa sighed. "I know. But he's been coming home every day, and that's what counts."

"Maybe he's making up for the deliveries he missed while he was gone." Denzel poked his head out of the storeroom. "Tifa, we're running low on Aunt Elmyra's pound cake."

"That's because you and Cloud keep sneaking samples," Marlene said.

"They aren't the only ones." Tifa smiled down at Marlene, who suddenly remembered she had tables to wait on.

Not long after that, as the crowd thinned down to a couple regulars and an old man trying to drown sorrows that even holy water couldn't fix, the sound of Fenrir pulling up announced Cloud's return.

Tifa smiled as she went to greet him, but that smile faltered when she saw his face.

Blank. Deliberately and forcibly blank. She hadn't seen his face like that since he ran away from them.

"Do you... want something to eat?"

Cloud grunted. Tifa took that as a yes and went back to where she kept his supper near the warming plate.

He stared at his plate for so long that Tifa wondered if maybe he wasn't hungry.

"Cloud!" Marlene and Denzel burst out of the kitchen by way of the storeroom.

The tiny smile he answered them with eased Tifa's mind, if only a little. It was a smile, after all, and those were rare enough that she figured he meant it if he let one out. Yet his eyes looked tired.

So when the kids shuffled off to bed, under protest, and the last customer left, over the limit, she decided to ask.

"Is something wrong?"

Cloud looked up from his cup. Corel wine. He drank so rarely, it was another reason for her to worry. "No." He looked back at his drink and the last of his food and took a deep breath. "Just... thinking."

Tifa sat down across from him, almost afraid to continue this not-quite conversation. "About the past?"

He shook his head. "The future."

"Oh." It wasn't what she expected, and she didn't know if she should be relieved or more worried.

They sat in silence for a while. Tifa unsure what to say, and Cloud being Cloud. He ate, she watched him. He drank, and when he finished she asked if he wanted more.

He seemed to think about it for a while, and then nodded.

Tifa definitely worried.

*7*7*

When Tifa left to get more wine, Cloud indulged in a scathing glare at the empty glass. He had yet to find his alcohol limit, perhaps partially due to how rarely he drank. There didn't seem to be much point. Between his muscle mass and the mako running through his system he could probably drink both Barret and Cid under the table.

He let out a slow, quiet breath when Tifa came back and filled his glass. It was going to take a lot more than this to get him relaxed enough to talk. Not that the thought of being impaired while discussing such a vital part of both their lives was appealing.

He just really, really wanted something to make him less nervous.

Tifa cleared her throat. "I should clean up the bar."

Which made the perfect excuse for Cloud not to talk to her right now, but something made his arm shoot out and grab her elbow before she could leave. "No. I... need to talk to you."

"Oh... All right." By now, even Cloud could tell she was nervous. It didn't help.

_No. Tifa's strong. Stronger than most men. Stronger than me, not physically, but..._

"It's... about us." He didn't take his eyes off of her hand, where his own hand moved as she sat down.

"Us?" Tifa's voice sounded ready to break, and her fingers curled into her palm under Cloud's light grasp.

"Yeah." He took what was supposed to be a calming breath before continuing. "Us. You and me. Together."

He felt her freeze. Any desire he had to look her in the eye vanished. Was he moving too fast? Did she not want that kind of relationship with him? He thought he had started to understand his own feelings, but maybe he had completely misread hers.

"Tifa?"

"Cloud?"

The conversation was going nowhere. Anything he had planned to say just wouldn't come out. All he could do was stare at her hand in his and curse his cowardice.

"Cloud? Please, look at me."

It took a moment for her request to register. Another moment for him to move his head. He couldn't read her face. There were too many emotions, but he thought one of them might be pain, or sadness, because tears were gathering in her eyes.

"Cloud, what are you trying to say?"

He wanted to look away, but he knew it wouldn't be any easier. "I care about you, Tifa. I want us to be together, but..." He saw the tears in her eyes start to fall and words failed him again.

Tifa drew her hand away for him. Her voice had a hard edge to it that forced his eyes back to the table. "But what, Cloud? What is it this time? Why is it that every time we start to get close, something has to tear us apart?" She was standing again. About to leave.

No. She was leaving. She didn't go far, just to where she kept the cleaning supplies under the bar. Cloud didn't look back, but he could hear her wiping down the tables with much more energy than was necessary.

He'd done it again. He'd driven that wedge between them and now he had to fix it. Again.

"Tifa."

She didn't answer or stop, but she did slow down a little.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then stop this. Stop hesitating. Stop running away from your problems."

Did she really think that was what he was doing? Well, he hadn't given her any reason to think otherwise. "I'm not running."

"Then what are you doing?" She attacked the table with her wash rag again. Getting answers out of him was like pulling teeth.

Cloud didn't answer for a while. Tifa started to wonder if he would answer.

"I don't want to hurt you, so... I saw a doctor."

That made Tifa stop. She stared at the back of Cloud's head. He wasn't going where she thought he was, was he?

Cloud didn't move, but after another pause he continued. "It was the doctor from Mideel. Remember? The one who took care of me until you came."

Tifa nodded, though she was fairly sure Cloud couldn't see her. "I remember. He was a nice old man."

"I guess so."

Tifa left the damp rag on the table and took a step toward Cloud. "What did you see him about?"

Cloud shifted in his seat. "About... what had been done to me."

"Cloud..." Her heart sank like a stone into her gut. She didn't want him to dwell on that part of his past. She knew it was foolish, but she wished those years could be erased.

Then she heard him sigh. He didn't sigh. Not often, at least. It sounded like he was giving up. "He said there were risks."

"There are always risks, Cloud. Just living involves risks."

He shook his head. "Not like this. There's a chance that... if we were close... closer than that night... I could... hurt you."

Tifa felt her face turn crimson. There wasn't much that could be considered 'closer' than where they'd been the night in question. And of course she knew what night he was talking about. They'd both been teased plenty the next morning so even if the night itself hadn't been unforgettable, that sealed it.

"Cloud...?" There were too many questions trying to get out at once. How long had he been thinking about this? How much had he told the doctor? Just what kind of 'hurt' was he talking about? Why hadn't he said anything before seeing a doctor?

Well, on second thought, that last question didn't need answering. This was Cloud.

Yet that was the question Cloud happened to answer next. "I understand if you don't see me that way, or if you're angry at me for not saying anything. But I wanted to know before we went any further."

Typical Cloud, trying to protect her in his own awkward way. He certainly was more comfortable dealing with immediate, physical threats. Still, it was annoying that he wasn't getting right to the point.

"So why are you telling me now?"

Cloud's head drooped. "He said he'd have to run some tests. On both of us."

Tifa's heart nearly stopped. She didn't have Cloud's mistrust of doctors, but she could feel the fear and revulsion radiating off of Cloud. "What kind of tests?" In lieu of the question that came to mind first. _Was the doctor still alive after asking that?_

"Something that measure's strength. For me there will also be... genetic tests."

She wasn't sure what the point of the strength test would be, but the genetic tests... wait... he said 'will.' Not 'would be.' "You agreed to that?"

Cloud didn't move, or even answer directly. "You don't have to..."

"But you did."

"Of course I did!" He suddenly sprang to life, looked at her without being prompted, and just as suddenly sank back down and stared at the floor. "If anything happened to you because of me..."

"You worry too much." Tifa knelled down so she could look Cloud in the face. "But, in a way, I'm glad. It shows you care. So if you're willing, so am I."

*7*7*

Thankfully, as far as Cloud was concerned, the receptionist greeting him and Tifa on his next visit was a woman who could have stood in for his grandmother. If he could imagine a grandmother being that cranky. Come to think of it, he could.

Since the appointment had been made for a day when Seventh Heaven was normally closed, Tifa dressed in something a bit more normal than her usual black shorts and leather vest. She still had a pair of black shorts on, but the tank top was blue. Cloud also had the day off, but he opted for full battle gear, including his sword harness. Before they arrived, Tifa had asked him if he was planning on bringing his swords in, too. From the way he said no, she could guess that he had considered it.

Dr. Beck smiled when they entered his office. "Ah, you're the young lady who tended to him back then. I should have guessed. My apologies, your name?"

"Tifa Lockhart. It's good to see you again, Dr. Beck."

"Likewise." They shook hands and Dr. Beck offered her and Cloud seats. "Now, I'm sure I asked this at the time, but have either of you had any unusual fainting spells or momentary losses of memory in the last two years?"

Tifa and Cloud looked at each other. Tifa could say most definitely that she hadn't, but Cloud... well, that one time wasn't so much fainting as passing out from extreme pain.

"I had Geostigma."

"Ah." Dr. Beck turned slightly to type something into a computer. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed Cloud stiffen. "Is something wrong?"

"What are you doing?"

"Making a note in your chart so I can remember that later." He turned back and tried to give Cloud as sympathetic a look as possible. "Mad scientists aren't the only ones who keep medical records."

A few more personal questions later and they were finally released. Cloud to the restroom with a paper cup and a set of instructions that had his entire head and neck turning bright read. Tifa got taken to another room for the first round of strength tests.

As irrational as it was, Cloud did not like the thought of Tifa being out of his sight with a doctor. Especially after Dr. Beck suggested it might be a good idea to do a genetic screening on her, too, since she'd also been exposed to mako.

On the other hand, him being able to see her would mean that she could very likely see him, and that was the last thing he wanted at the moment. For several reasons.

With the sample collected and sent out for testing (terms which did nothing to improve Cloud's mood), Dr. Beck ushered him into an exam room that had been cleared of all normal furnishing. Instead, the room was lined with odd devices, most of which seemed to be metal tiles with digital counters sitting on top of them. Tifa sat in the only chair in the room near the door.

"Tifa, are you all right?" Cloud only looked at Tifa for a moment, the rest of his attention being taken up by trying to determine what the various machines were for.

Tifa laughed. "I'm fine, Cloud. Really. The tests were actually kind of fun."

Cloud dropped his visual inspection to stare at her. "Fun?"

"She certainly did seem to enjoy trying to break my equipment." Dr. Beck switched one clipboard for another and adjusted his glasses. "I'm rather glad I had my colleagues at the WRO dig up some old strength gauges from SOLDIER. Also that they were put in storage rather than thrown away when the science department developed the bio-rhythm materia. That's one thing you can say about ShinRa, they never threw anything out. Completely obliterated, maybe, but never thrown out." He looked up and noticed the rising tension from both his patients. "Oh. Sorry."

"Whatever." Cloud was both angry at the words and himself for being so affected. "What do I do first?"

Dr. Beck handed him a metal rod connected by thick wires to a box with several buttons and a digital readout. "Just squeeze that as hard as you can."

"Are you sure?" Cloud shifted the rod in his palm. It didn't feel completely solid.

"Yes. These might be old, but they were designed for SOLDIER."

Cloud shrugged and squeezed. Interestingly, the numbers on the read out flickered faster the harder he clenched his fist. He watched the numbers until he felt the metal in his hand start to give.

Thankfully, Dr. Beck managed to record the last number before Cloud dropped the mangled rod to the floor. They both stared at the now useless device as if competing to see who could look the most stunned.

"I thought you said it was designed for SOLDIER."

"It _was_. Either it was faulty or..." Dr. Beck cleared his throat. "Let's move on."

*7*7*

By the end, the last word Cloud would have used to describe the experience was 'fun.' He had managed to destroy two of the remaining five strength measurers and, while Dr. Beck assured him that nothing conclusive could be said yet, he was sure he had failed miserably.

Cloud finally had enough of his own thoughts. About halfway home, he stopped Fenrir and half turned toward Tifa.

"I'm sorry, Tifa."

Tifa leaned back while still hugging Cloud around his waist. "For what?"

"For... everything. You deserve better."

"Maybe." Tifa leaned her forehead against the back of Cloud's head. Her breath on his neck did things that, after today, he really wished it didn't. "But I don't know that I'd be any happier. You promised to stay with me, Cloud, and that's all I've ever wanted. No matter what, I want us to be together."

"Even if..."

"No matter what. I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone. And I don't want you to regret who you are. We're all alive because of you. Remember that."

The air suddenly seemed uncharacteristically warm for that time of year.

"Tifa?"

"Yes, Cloud?"

He swallowed. "When do the kids go to bed?"

* * *

_Maybe it says something about me that I went to Dad rather than Mom for advice on this story. Not that I was totally comfortable asking him, but he's a writer and Mom isn't so... well... It was less awkward than asking Mom would be. Anyway, he directed me to this short piece called Man Of Steel Woman Of Kleenex, which specifically handles the problems that would realistically come up if Superman and Lois Lane were to have a relationship. And I thought just talking to Dad was awkward. But I did manage to write this. Hope everyone likes it!_


	14. Fenrir

**Fenrir**

Cloud wandered around the fields south of Nibelheim. Of course, he wasn't supposed to wander so far from home, but he could only watch the other kids play for so long.

The fields were nice, too. Green, unlike everything in town or on the mountain. Sometimes he'd see birds, squirrels, or maybe even a fox.

A tiny noise interrupted his thoughts. A high-pitched whimper that stabbed Cloud to his very core. Something small was in pain, needed help. He followed the noise to a little hollow surrounded by gorse. There, with its leg caught in a trap, lay a wolf cub.

Cloud looked around but couldn't see any sign of other wolves. The little cub cried and whimpered as it tried to pull its leg out of the trap.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just let it die here, could he?

"Wait. Just... wait right there."

There wasn't much to pick from, but he found the strongest stick his little hands could hold and might fit inside the jaws of the trap.

Getting the stick wedged between the metal jaws was made harder by the little cub's struggles. He had to, somehow, calm it down. But he didn't know how.

He thought he remembered seeing someone talk to a stray cat to coax it out of a hole.

"It's going to be okay. Really. I just gotta open the trap a bit. Hey. I can, uh, tell you a story, 'kay?"

The cub still whimpered, but it seemed to lay a little more still.

Cloud swallowed then continued with his work and talking. "Well, the old folks were tellin' stories at the in last week and one of them was about this monster wolf called Fenrir. That's just what they called him! I didn't think he was a monster! B-but he was the son of this god the other gods didn't like and they thought he was going to do bad things because of who his parents were and a p-prophesy. So they tricked him into letting them tie him up and he bit off the hand of one of the gods."

The jaws refused to move, but Cloud kept trying. "Maybe I shouldn't've said anything, but I did. I said that seemed mean and ... they yelled at me. I didn't know what I was talkin' 'bout. M-mom stood up then and said I was the only one that got what the story was about. That the gods made the monster they feared by treating Fenrir bad." Cloud stopped talking for a while as he thought about what to say next and worked the stick a little further into the trap. "Mom told me later that I shouldn't feel sorry for Fenrir, though, 'cause he's a big, tough wolf and would think it was an insult. I wanna be big and tough, too. If I was, Mom wouldn't have to stand up for me and I could help her."

Finally, the jaws opened enough for the cub to slip out. It limped a step toward Cloud, sniffed, then ran away.

*7*7*

Tifa smiled as she watched Cloud fix up the new bike. "You're really putting a lot of effort into that."

He grunted as way of acknowledgement.

"Are you going to name it?" The question had been teasing, she hadn't really expected an answer.

"Yeah. Fenrir."

"Fenrir?" Tifa blinked. She hadn't heard that story in years. After a moment, she smiled. "It suits you."

This time was Cloud's turn to blink. Tifa looked from him and his adorably confused face to the monstrous bike. "A wolf that was mistreated and ended up killing a god. I think it sounds a lot like you."

Cloud shrugged and turned back to his work. He hadn't thought about it that way. Somehow, hearing it from Tifa almost made him smile.

* * *

_There were a couple ways I could have written this, but I liked the idea of Child!Cloud telling the Fenrir story to a wolf cub. It didn't get into the story, but the trap was there because monsters were making trouble for the farmers in the area._

_And Tifa was at the gathering where Cloud got scolded for sympathizing with Fenrir, but she doesn't remember it. She was five at the time. I have a fairly good memory, and I can't remember many details from when I was five._


	15. Photographs And Memories

**Photographs And Memories**

Cloud stood in the doorway of the kids' room. Both Marlene and Denzel were asleep, but he wasn't watching them. He was looking at the two photographs on the nightstand by Denzel's bed. A new one of him, Tifa, and the two kids. An older one of a young couple and Denzel.

Denzel's parents. Physical proof that they existed. Cloud wondered if Denzel realized how lucky he was to have that. Cloud couldn't ask. How could someone tell a kid he should feel lucky when he lost his parents, his friends, his home, and was now slowly losing his life?

And yet...

*7*7*

Once, when Cloud was young, he found an old camera in a box his mom kept in her room. She told him it belonged to his grandpa long before the mako reactor was built. He wanted so much to go out and take pictures with it, but he couldn't.

No one made film for that kind of camera anymore.

New cameras were expensive, but his mom got him a little disposable camera for his tenth birthday, anyway. He had fun taking pictures and adding to the small family photo album.

That album burned along with the rest of Nibelheim six years later.

*7*7*

Every week, Cloud sent half of his paycheck home. His mom wrote back a couple times telling him that he didn't have to do that. Both times he responded that it was the least he could do. It wasn't like he had much to spend his money on. Unlike most troopers, he was content to eat whatever was in the mess hall. He didn't have a girlfriend to buy presents for or take out on dates. He pretty much lived in his uniform.

So when Zack insisted that he should find something (anything) to do other than sit around the barracks, he bought a camera. A simple model with no bells or whistles, just something that would take semi-decent pictures. The first shot he took was out the window of a transport helicopter. Right before he threw up on his neighbor's boots.

The second shot was taken by Zack. He'd grabbed Cloud and the camera outside of HQ and took a self-portait of himself holding Cloud in a headlock.

Cloud never did find out what happened to those pictures or the camera six years later. If they hadn't been thrown out, they were probably destroyed along with most of the barracks during either the attack by WEAPON or Meteor.

*7*7*

Aerith joked that she wished she had a picture of Cloud in that dress. He responded, very seriously, that he'd burn the picture and the negatives if it existed.

Still, when they were in Kalm picking up supplies, he was tempted to buy a camera.

He didn't. After all, they were on the run and short on funds. They couldn't waste time and money on something like that.

Sometimes, he wished he had bought it, anyway.

*7*7*

Tifa had expressed a little surprise that the first thing Cloud bought after officially opening his delivery service was a camera. She had expected it to be something for Fenrir, or maybe yet another sword.

He just said that he wanted his memories to have a physical form.

* * *

_I thought it was neat that they gave Cloud an interest in photography. It wasn't until I started reading some fanfics that involved photos that I realized that his interest might not be random. The fics that especially got me thinking about that were ones where the photos the characters were looking at couldn't possibly still exist. Pictures of when Cloud was little or that were taken when he was in the infantry. Even ones supposedly taken during that trip to save the planet. A camera would be hard pressed to survive that sort of trip, and where would they get the film developed afterward? Anyway, between Cloud (and Tifa) not having a photographic record of their childhoods and Cloud's memory mash-up, I can easily see him getting into the habit of recording things in pictures. He might even keep a diary, though I have a hard time seeing him coming up with enough words to make that worthwhile._


	16. What About Happily Ever After?

*I don't often do Tifa's point of view because I find it easier to work from inside Cloud's head. But for my purposes here she's the best choice.*

* * *

**What About Happily Ever After?**

They were going to be okay. They had fought two of Sephiroth's forms and Cloud had finally finished him off, somehow, from within his own mind. Holy was making its way toward Meteor and they were leading the way, somewhat unwillingly, in the Highwind.

Tifa glanced over at Cloud. He looked stressed as they raced across the planet.

_"We'll leave all our worries here."_

That's what he said, but for him maybe it was easier to say than do.

But they were going to be okay. They had to be. Didn't stories like this always end with 'happily ever after'?

*7*7*

Thanks to Cid, they managed to arrive in Midgar a little before Holy. Of course, they couldn't sit around doing nothing, so they tried to help everyone evacuate.

There was little they could do by themselves. Even with help from ShinRa's emergency personnel, there wasn't much they could do for some areas of the city. The storm Meteor kicked up before it had already destroyed so much. Some places wouldn't be accessible until the storm died down and there was time to clear the debris.

Assuming any of them were still alive by then.

There were so many people panicking. Everyone was running with no sense of where to go. There were rescue units in the area, but most of them seemed more concerned with getting ShinRa staff to safety than helping anyone else.

"There are other people who need help, too!"

The man in charge shook his head. "That may be, but we're already spread thin here as it is."

"But..!" Tifa would have said more, but a firm hand on her shoulder stopped her.

Cloud stood behind her. "Let's just do what we can."

Tifa nodded and followed him down what was left of the street. She noticed how easy it was for Cloud to get people's attention. Everyone followed him when he showed them where to go. Maybe it was the uniform, or simply something about him. After all, their friends continued to follow him even after everything that had happened.

Even after Aerith died.

*7*7*

They would be okay, wouldn't they? The planet answered Aerith's prayer. Holy came. The Lifestream itself burst out of the ground to help. They had a second chance. A new start. Even Cloud saw that.

He smiled for the first time since they started their journey. Though, in a way, it worried her. His peaceful smile, his words, she couldn't quite understand it.

_"But when I think about how many times I've thought about starting a new life, it's funny."_

_"I've always failed to do it."_

_"...I think it will be all right this time."_

_"Because I have you this time."_

She couldn't tell if he was being optimistic or not. Standing by the pool in the Forgotten City she remembered how Aerith looked in her last moments. A peaceful smile. Just like Cloud's after Meteor was destroyed.

It scared her. The past, the future, her guilt and sadness. She hadn't cried for Aerith back then, but now she couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

Cloud put a hand on her shoulder and she turned and cried into his chest. He was so warm and solid. The only solid thing in her life.

When she could speak again, the only thing she could say was, "Are we really going to be okay?"

*7*7*

Tifa could tell it was hard on Cloud to talk to Elmyra. It was hard for her, too. Had they really done everything they could? Tifa was certain Cloud didn't think so. He had been right there, standing so close that Aerith fell into his arms.

But he had been under Sephiroth influence. It wasn't his fault. She had to believe that. She had to believe that he believed that.

Because he deserved to be happy. Tifa looked out over Kalm, at all the people working to rebuild. People who wouldn't give the person next to them a second look before all this happened were working together. In some ways, she though Aerith would have liked to see this. But in others, she was just as glad that her friend didn't have to.

Because there were a lot of people dying. No one really knew what it was, but it seemed to be a disease linked to the Lifestream.

Something that might not have happened if they had stopped Sephiroth sooner.

Just like before when she felt her own thoughts getting too heavy, Cloud appeared at her side. He set his hand on her opposite shoulder, holding her in a half-hug.

Behind them, Barret entered the room. He'd been out getting information. "The rumor said it's an epidemic. I don't want Marlene to be infected. C'mon, let's go home"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah. Let's go home."

It took hearing his own words repeated for Barret to grasp their situation. "Where to?"

"Our suspended reality."

Tifa looked at Cloud, trying to figure out what he meant. Barret asked directly.

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

Cloud shrugged, his voice very quiet. "Our normal lives."

"And where do we have something like that?"

"We'll find one." Cloud looked at Tifa, hoping for her support, though she didn't think she could give it. "Right?"

Marlene danced around in cheerful agreement. She was the only one who seemed sure of the future.

That was how children were supposed to be. Tifa wished she was still like that. When had she stopped?

Would they ever be okay?

*7*7*

They arrived in Midgar the next day. There were so many people. So many people trying to move forward, to go on with their present lives.

She stopped in her tracks. Tears started to sting her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Cloud stepped back toward her. Barret followed.

"It's... it's nothing." She looked up at Cloud. He frowned, those bright eyes of his half hidden under his eyebrows.

"Please tell us, anyway."

Tifa looked at her boots. "Back on the Highwind when Holy came, I wished everything, all of this, would be washed away. That it would disappear. This place, our past, everything. I didn't know... I didn't know so many people were still here." Little damp spots appeared on the ground and on the toes of her boots. Tears. Why was she crying so much now? First at Aerith's grave and now here. She felt like she was falling apart.

"I know what ya mean." Barret crossed his arms. "It'd be cleansin'."

Cloud nodded. "I felt much the same. But that's not going to happen. We can't get away from our sins so easily."

Barret shrugged. "Yeah. Since that's the case, we'll live on. We'll live on 'til we pay back for our sins. It's the only way."

Tifa nodded, but she still held doubts.

Weren't they supposed to be happy now? Sephiroth was gone, Meteor was gone, yet things weren't any better than before.

Maybe she felt like this because she had time to now. Rushing around the planet, fighting, surviving, there hadn't been much time for anything besides anger and frustration. Even when there were lulls in the action, she never stopped to think past their goal.

She went through the rest of the day lost in thought like that. Barret and Cloud didn't talk much, either. Finally, Barret left, saying he was going to look for food. Tifa curled up against a twisted I-beam with her arms wrapped around her knees.

Cloud faced her. He looked worried. Thinking about him being worried about her pulled her heart in so many directions. Pleased that he thought about her. Guilty that she put another weight on his conscience. Frustrated that she felt any of those things in the first place.

Finally, he spoke. "It's not like you to be troubled by your thoughts."

She looked at the ground. "It's... just the way I am."

Cloud shook his head. "No. You're much more cheerful and strong. If you've forgotten the way you were then, I'll be there to remind you."

"You really will?" She hardly dared hope. She'd already hoped for so many things and had all those things taken away.

Cloud averted his eyes, a blush rising under the freckles dusting his nose and cheeks. "Probably."

*7*7*

So many things had happened since then. Geostigma, finding Denzel, Sephiroth's return, Aerith's healing rain... Looking at Cloud in the pool surrounded by happy children, Tifa finally felt what had been missing when their first battle ended.

Peace. Tempered by pain and experience, but for the first time, she felt like they might be able to move on. She didn't know if Cloud would stay, though she was able to hope without fear.

He said he was back. That he was home. He looked at peace. No. He looked happy.

And for the first time in two years, Tifa thought that they were going to be okay.

* * *

_I re-read Case Of Tifa to get a feel for what was going on in her head at this time. That's also where a lot of the dialog comes from. I thought it was interesting that Tifa was so depressed and doubtful while Cloud was almost-sorta-happy at the beginning. For her, I think the phrase 'the only way to go is up' applies. Hopefully, things will work out better from here._


	17. You'll Never Know

*The last chapter was a bit of a downer, so here's something a bit more fluffy.*

* * *

**You'll Never Know**

Cloud waited as the phone rang. Just as he decided to try again later, someone picked up.

"Hello? Whaddya want?"

"Hey. I heard you married Shera. Uh... Congratulations."

Cid laughed. "You know, you're the second person to say that. Guess Barret couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"Should he have?"

"Naw, guess not. Just feelin' kinda bad 'bout not invitin' ya'll. Woulda, but we were in kind of a rush."

"'A rush'?" Cloud tried to think of why there would be any hurry to get married. "You didn't... get Shera pregnant, did you?"

"What?" A snort came through the phone. "No, no, nothin' like that. It was... Shera had Geostigma."

"Oh."

"She never quit, either. Fool woman was about to work herself into the grave, stigma or no stigma. Ya'd think she'd have more sense than that, what with the way she fusses over everyone else."

"So, what made you propose?"

Cloud wasn't sure, but he thought he could almost hear Cid take a drag on his cigarette.

"We ain't really talkin' about me here, are we."

"I..." The one good thing about phones, Cloud thought, was that the person he was talking to couldn't see him blush. It was just... embarrassing... for a guy.

Not that Cid needed to see Cloud to guess the reaction. The smirk was practically audible. "I proposed 'cause if I didn't then I might not get another chance. And you might not get another one, either! Hell, ya should've seen Tifa when we thought you died in that explosion. Girl was practically beside herself. Don't know how you two can be so blind when everyone else can see that you've got a couple candles burnin' for each other."

Tifa had been upset? Because he might have died? Cloud fell silent for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I... She deserves someone better than me."

"Damn straight."

Cloud flinched at the bluntness of that statement, but didn't have time to say anything as Cid continued.

"The best man in the world is nothin' compared to the best woman in the world. Just the way things are, and the sooner ya realize it the better. Hell, I know Shera's too good for me, but she said yes, anyway. Damn fool of a woman, but if she's willin' to spend her life hitched to me then all I can do is try to make the ride as easy as possible. That girl of yours is the same way. She deserves the best life can give her but takes the worst with a smile. Dunno why, but she seems set on keepin' ya 'round. Ya wanna wait till ya deserve that attention? Ain't gonna happen. Best ya can do is let her know that yer gonna be around to try."

By the time Cid finished his speech, Cloud was starting to wonder if he should have gone to someone else for advice. Not that Barret would've been any better, and he got the impression that Vincent hadn't had much success with relationships. Reeve, maybe.

Not that Cid wasn't telling the truth. It just pulled Cloud's mind in a direction he'd spent the last few months avoiding. He grabbed hold of the last sentence as a ray of hope. "'Try,' huh?"

"Best thing any of us can do. Now ya gonna waste more time talkin' to me, or ya gonna make yer girl's day?"

Cloud opened his mouth to say that he did have one more question, but quickly closed it again. Best to get that advice from anyone _but_ Cid. "Thanks."

"No problem. Ya got anythin' else ya need help with, I'..." Whatever Cid was about to say was cut off as Cloud started dialing a new number.

"Hello, Cloud."

"How did you know it was me?"

Reeve chuckled. "It's called 'caller ID.' You do have that on your phone, right?"

Cloud frowned. "Yeah." Though he hadn't thought anyone else would bother saving his number. He really had to stop thinking like that.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure? It's not like you to call someone just to chat."

Cloud rubbed the back of his head. "I... need some advice. About Tifa."

For a moment, Cloud wondered if the connection had been lost. Maybe he should've gone to WRO headquarters?

When Reeve did speak, he sounded a little apprehensive. "What sort of advice?"

"If this is a bad time..."

"No, no, it's not that. There are just some things concerning women that it's best to ask another woman about."

Oh. Oh... "I... was thinking about... proposing... to Tifa."

"Really? That's great! What do you need advice on?"

"Um... I don't know how."

Reeve chuckled again, though a bit more quietly. "You never change. But why ask me? I've never been married."

"Because I don't want to ask Barret or Cid."

This time Reeve laughed openly. "Of course. Hmm. I suppose it depends on how you want to propose."

"How I want to propose?" Cloud thought for a moment. "I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

"I see... Do you watch movies?"

"No. Why?"

"Good, because they're bad examples of how proposals should be done. For you, I think it would be best if you just ask her."

"Just ask her?"

"Yes. Decide on a time and then do it. Oh, and I recommend you ask in person. Don't call to ask."

Cloud still felt like there was something missing. "It doesn't have to be in any particular place? Or day?"

"To my knowledge, no. But remember that I have no practical experience. This is a big step, Cloud. You're dedicating the rest of your life to one person. You should do what you believe is right."

One person. He'd already done that long ago. He tripped a few times, but he never completely forgot. "Thanks. I will."

"You're welcome. Let me know how it turns out."

*7*7*

After supper that day, Cloud stayed downstairs to help Tifa with the dishes. He fidgeted and kept looking at the kids.

"Cloud? Is something wrong?"

He shook his head. "Why?"

"Because you dried that cup three times now."

He looked down at the (very dry) cup he was holding, frowned, and set it down, again. "There's just something I want to ask, but I'm not sure if I can."

"Something you want to ask me?" Now Tifa looked nervous.

Cloud mentally kicked himself. He hadn't even asked yet and it was looking like he'd screwed up already. "It's not... I know I can ask you, I don't know if I can ask it the right way."

She smiled. "If it comes out wrong, you can always try again."

Was that really possible with a question like this? He picked up a (wet) cup, started drying it, then put it down still damp. "I... Do you... want to marry me?"

It was a good thing he didn't have any weapons on or near him, because his battle instincts kicked in the instant Tifa shrieked. Once rational thought returned a moment later, he came to the conclusion that screaming and tackling meant 'yes.'

And that he wouldn't at all mind having to ask again if it meant getting kissed like that a second time.

* * *

_In case Tifa looks a little OOC at the end here: Her reaction is based on every single real-life proposal I've ever seen. Otherwise calm, rational, stoic women turn into manic, screaming glomp machines. Half the time they don't seem to actually get the word 'yes' out at all. Though the way they start eating the poor man's face makes the answer pretty obvious. Let the poor man breath, woman! You want him to be alive for the wedding, don't you?_


	18. Morning At Dusk

**Morning At Dusk**

Something had bothered Tifa when she heard what Cloud named his bike. She hadn't said anything at the time, but that bit of doubt stayed in the back of her mind.

After all, the story ended not only with Fenrir killing Odin, but Odin, in his last moments, killing Fenrir.

It was silly. Cloud was still alive. She was just reading too much into it...

So she thought until she and Marlene visited the church.

Cloud was dying.

That fear resurface again later when Cloud confirmed more through his actions than his words that he had given up. It hurt to see him like that. Hurt that he seemed to think he'd be better off dead.

With her.

No. She couldn't think like that. She wouldn't. It wasn't fair.

But it still hurt. Because he left. Because he hadn't told her. Because he let his guilt drag him down.

"Stop running!" She hit the pillow of Marlene's bed. Frustration and fear made her bolder than normal. "I know, even if you find the kids you might not be able to help them. Maybe something will happen that can never unhappen. That scares you, doesn't it? But you need to think about now, really take it in! Look at you; you think you got it so damn hard! Well you hate being alone so let people in! Sure, you don't answer the phone, but I don't see you throwing it away either!"

_I shouldn't have said all that._ It was true, mostly, and he did leave to find the kids, but was it right to put it the way she did? He did have it hard. Those missing five years, being controlled by Sephiroth, watching Aerith die...

But there were others suffering, too. People who hadn't given up. He had to realize that.

*7*7*

Tifa looked out and the smoking remnants of ShinRa Tower. _He can't be. He can't be._

Fenrir killed Odin, and Odin killed Fenrir.

_No! It's wrong! This isn't happening!_

Barret tried to pull her away. "Come on. Let's go."

"No! We have to find him! He might still be alive down there!"

Cid took the Shera down so he could get a better look at what was left of the roof. "Ain't nowhere to land. And don't even think of jumpin'. One wrong move or stray breeze and we'll have another body ta pick up."

Before Tifa could object further, something squealed on one of the control panels.

Cid swore. "Somebody grab that com set before it decides to jump off by itself!"

"Why don't you!" Yuffie yelled back. "It's your airship!"

Vincent bypassed the developing argument by switching on the incoming call. His, and everyone else's, eyes widened at the voice that came through.

"Wait at the Sector Five church. Cloud will come back. There's a cure."

"No way. Was that...?"

"Sure as hell sounded like her."

"Wouldn' be the first ta come back from the dead today."

*7*7*

Cloud stood at the edge of the healing pool surrounded his friends and the children Aerith had cured.

They weren't the only ones cured. Cloud looked down at his left arm, clean, and as strong and whole as ever. He had another chance, but why? Aerith (and Zack) might want that, but why would the planet take an interest in someone like him.

Especially when there were others who deserved that chance more and never got it.

Cloud shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. Aerith and Zack were together and seemed content. He had to believe there was a good reason for him being alive.

Maybe because he had promised to be Zack's living legacy. Unconsciously, Cloud gripped his left bicep with his right hand. He almost broke that promise, just like he'd broken every other promise he ever made. What if he still managed to fail? What if he messed up this chance at life, like he always did?

"Cloud?"

He looked up to find that almost everyone had gone somewhere else while he'd been thinking. Probably to their homes. Only a few rays of sunlight were left. Tifa sat at the edge of the pool, looking at him.

"I'm fine." He dropped his hand away from his arm. "I... just can't believe it's over."

Tifa nodded. "I know. Somehow, I expect to wake up and find out this was all a dream."

Silence fell between them even as the sounds of celebration drifted in from outside. Neither of them looked at the other as they tried to find something to say.

"I'm sorry."

Both looked up at the other's words.

"Tifa?"

She glanced away for a moment before speaking. "I shouldn't have snapped at you before. I wish I could say I didn't mean any of it, but that wouldn't be completely true."

"But you were right." Cloud walked to the edge and sat next to her. Across from them, Marlene and Denzel played with their friends. And Cloud's camping equipment. "I was running away."

"So was I." Even without looking, she could tell Cloud was staring at her. "I didn't want to face my problems, so I pretended they weren't there. I tried to act like everything was normal. But it wasn't, and we aren't."

Tifa stopped there, not sure how to continue. After a moment, Cloud picked up the conversation.

"Tifa. You helped me. You're always there for me, even when I push you away. Even when I fail, you believe in me. And I've failed so many times." Cloud looked down at his hands. "I have another chance. How many more do I need before I get it right?"

He started slightly when Tifa placed her hand in his.

"'I think I'll be okay. Because I have you this time.' That's what you said back then. You aren't the one who failed. I am. I... I wasn't there for you. This time, I want to try again."

Cloud curled his fingers around Tifa's hand. "I'd like that."

* * *

_Not much happening aside from Cloud and Tifa having a long overdue talk. And a none-too-subtle hint that Cloud isn't entirely over his depression. Come on, people don't just 'snap out of' stuff like that._

_Anyway, I've gone over the last few scenes of Advent Children several times, and I have to come to the conclusion that everything from the fight with Kadaj to Cloud waking up in the church happens the same evening. The angle of the sun just won't allow for morning. Though the light level seems a bit bright for evening. It's hard to say exactly, but I rather doubt Cloud was missing for an entire day after the explosion. Tifa wouldn't be nearly that calm if he was._


	19. Too Much

_I wonder what it's like to have your senses amped up. What it's like to be consumed by mako. I'm feeling a little under the weather, which is probably why I wrote this when I did._**  
**

**Too Much**

Too many sounds. Cackling. Tapping. Crackling. Chattering. Rattling. Whooshing. Clicking. Scraping. Hissing. Clattering. Humming. Whistling. Mumbling. Creaking. Pinging. Popping. Squeaking. Crunching. Snapping.

Too many. Too loud. Muffled slightly inside the tube, but then there were the voices. So many. No words he could make out, but just at the edge so it felt like if he listened just a little harder he could understand.

But it hurt. It hurt so much. He tried to stop listening.

Too bright. Too much to see. Every dent, crack, stain, crease, hole, bend... Too many colors. Inside was all green. Outside was scarlet, grey, silver, bronze, rust, tan, black, lime, jade, cyan... Every shade, every tint, all melting together so nothing made sense, all so sharp and clear they couldn't be real.

It hurt to see, so he closed his eyes.

Everything smelled of mako. Too many smells underneath. So many different after-shaves. Dust. Mildew. Rotting flesh. Chemicals. Body fluids.

He couldn't throw up, no matter how much he wanted to. He tried to stop smelling.

Too much pain. Stabbing. Burning. Pulling. Twisting. Pain. Like he'd been soaked in acid then cut apart and sewn back together wrong.

How long had it been going on? He didn't know. He didn't care. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to sleep. He didn't want to feel anymore. None of it seemed real. Like it was happening to someone else, but he had to experience all of it.

Maybe he was asleep? Maybe this was all a bad dream. If he closed his eyes he'd wake up and everything would be normal.

What was normal?

Who was he?

* * *

_For those of you who've never experienced sensory overload, it's not pleasant. When things get really bad, some people freak out while others curl up into a little mental ball and hope the outside world goes away. Or get panic attacks, that happens to me sometimes. It's rare, thank goodness, and it's mainly hearing that's affected. What would it be like for all the senses to go into overdrive? And to be tortured on top of it? And people call Cloud emo for being kinda depressed..._


	20. The Animals Known As Boys

**The Animals Known As Boys**

Like wolves, humans are pack animals. This is especially apparent with young boys, who, when left to their own devices, will immediately form packs based on shared interests or circumstances.

Also like wolves, a boy pack has a leader. Often, the leader is the strongest (most likely oldest) member. This is not always the case. The leader may be smarter, more charismatic...

Or, in rare instances, all three.

*7*7*

The brave knight approached the band of brigands who had cornered the fair princess. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the creature they held hostage. Obviously a favorite playmate of the young princess from the way she begged for his return.

"Unhand that, uh, dog-thing and let her go!" He considered drawing his sword as the brigands turned toward him, but this lot wasn't worth staining his blade.

One of them grinned. "Yeah, and who's going to make me?"

The brave knight puffed out his chest. "I am! Now let her go or you'll be sorry!"

The rest of the brigands laughed and charged at him.

Still without drawing his sword, the brave knight leaped to meet them. His fists flew and connected many times. Still, one of them got in a lucky shot and clocked him right in the jaw. The force of the blow threw him back toward the young princess.

"Ah! You're hurt!"

The knight grinned. "This is nothing! Wait until you see what I do to them!" With that he jumped up and back into the fray, a mighty battle cry bursting from his throat.

Barely a minute later the fight was over. The knight wobbled, barely able to stand, but his foes were far worse off. Most lay curled up in the dirt. The biggest one, the leader, sat with his arms wrapped around his sore stomach and squinted out of bruised and swollen eyelids.

The knight bent down and retrieved the little dog-thing. Turning, he presented the animal to the princess.

"Thank you." She took her pet and hugged it to her chest. "But you're all beat up."

"Yeah, but there's an easy fix for that." He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

*7*7*

Emma's eyes widened. "Zack! Wha-?"

Zack's grin turned into a wince as his cheek pressed against his developing black eye. "I'm the hero, and the hero always gets to kiss the princess at the end of the story."

"What princess?" Alex tried to stand, but sat back down hard when he put too much strain on his stomach. "It's just dorky little Emma."

Zack frowned as he strode two steps over to Alex. He set his fists on his hips, puffed up his chest, and spread his legs in a heroic pose somewhat off set by the bath towel tied around his neck. "You be quiet! Emma's a girl and deserves to be treated with respect! Now you apologize for taking her, uh, what is that?"

Emma held up the patchwork toy. "He's a rabbit, and his name's Floppy."

"Right. So apologize for taking Floppy!"

Alex grimaced from more than just his injuries. His friends were starting to sit up. "You can't make me."

"Yeah?" Zack punched his fist into his open palm. "Come on, you aren't an idiot. Just apologize already."

Painfully, Alex stood up and walked over to Emma. He mumbled an apology that seemed more aimed at the dirt on his shoes than the little girl.

He had to bite back a gasp of pain as Zack thumped him on the shoulder. "See? That wasn't so hard. Come on over to my house. Mom's got some great stuff to put on bruises and stuff."

All the boys stared at Zack, who was already jogging up the dirt road toward his house.

"Hey! Come on! Mom's got plenty of stuff for all of ya! She's gotta patch me up all the time!"

Zack grinned. His mom might fuss, but to him it was all training for when he became a real hero. Then he'd be able to help all sorts of people, especially pretty girls.

*7*7*

Just as both wolf and boy packs have a leader, an alpha, they also have an omega. That poor creature that is too small, awkward, slow, or some combination of the above. This member of the pack is hardly acknowledged. Usually he is given menial tasks if he is included at all. Sometimes, this pack member is ostracized entirely.

If the omega should attempt to fight against his position, he can expect to meet with resistance from the entire pack. This resistance is usually violent, though with boys it rarely results in grave injuries.

*7*7*

Cloud poked a loose rock with a stick. He sat outside his home, since his mom had once again insisted that he had to go out to play.

Maybe he would try. It had to be better than sitting by the road watching.

His chance came when the ball the other boys were kicking bounced off the well. Before any of them could catch it, the ball bounced and rolled toward Cloud.

Taking the chance, Cloud ran up and kicked the ball as hard as he could.

And promptly got clocked on the side of the head for his trouble.

"What do you think you're doing? Moron." The boy ran off to join his friends in chasing after the ball.

Why? It always ended this way. Cloud rubbed his head and glared at the retreating boys. He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't help his mom, he couldn't play, he couldn't protect Tifa...

"Raaaaaa!"

The boys turned to face the source of the scream. The closest boy got a fist in his face for his effort.

Soon enough the rest of the boys piled on top of Cloud. Fists and feet flew with little regard for where they landed. Finally, one boy managed to kick Cloud in the stomach hard enough to send him to the ground. They left him curled up in the dirt.

Most of the boys had black eyes or at least serious bruises. A couple sported split lips. The one who kicked Cloud had a bite on his arm.

Cloud stumbled home with two black eyes, a split lip, and feeling as if his entire body was one big bruise. He was going to make his mom worry again. She'd fuss over him, bandage him, spend money they couldn't spare on liniments and bandages.

If he wasn't there, she'd be better off. If he'd never been born, maybe his dad would still be alive.

He had to leave. As soon as he was able, he'd leave and prove to himself and everyone else that he was worth something. That he wasn't a burden.

* * *

_Just wanted to do something that compared and contrasted Zack and Cloud's childhoods. Both boys are about ten in this. Yes, I can most definitely see Zack having an interest in girls that early. He's probably the sort whose first kiss was in kindergarten._

_You know, it's kinda tempting to do a fanfic of Zack's childhood and acceptance into SOLDIER. Like I really need another project._


	21. Jealousy

_I've read stories that are about, or at least involve, Cloud being jealous. I've said that I just can't see Cloud being jealous. Then I realized that wasn't true. I could see it, but not the way it's usually written._

* * *

**Jealousy**

It felt... awkward... seeing Tifa with other kids. Specifically, other boys. They were so immature. How could she enjoy hanging out with them?

But she did. She smiled. She laughed. He wished she'd smile and laugh for him.

He wished she'd talk to him. Play with him. Ignore everyone else and just focus on him.

It made him feel horrible deep in his gut. Because he didn't deserve such attention. He never did, and he certainly didn't after that day. The day he failed to protect her. How could he even think such arrogant things?

He had to prove himself worthy of her attention first.

*7*7*

It was envy, pure and simple. And he felt horrible for it.

After all, it was one thing to admire someone from afar. It was another thing to be jealous of your best friend. Who was he to deserve such a friend, anyway?

He had to stop thinking like that, but it was so hard. Zack was everything he wasn't. Exactly the kind of guy Tifa deserved. The kind of guy he wanted to be for her.

And there they were, talking. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he could see Tifa's reaction. She seemed shy, embarrassed... and incredibly cute. That was supposed to be him bringing out those qualities in her.

But he failed. He couldn't even bring himself to talk to her. He couldn't fault Zack for it. For being better than him. At everything.

Didn't stop him from wishing, if only for a moment, he could be Zack.

*7*7*

He wanted to kill the guy hitting on Tifa. It didn't make sense. He wasn't supposed to care. They had been childhood friends, but they hadn't seen each other in five years. He'd changed. He was a cold, hard mercenary.

A mercenary who was also recovering from whatever strange fever had managed to take hold of him at the train station. Not that he was weak, but he wasn't going to do anything he wasn't paid to do, either.

Then the guy tried to grab a handful of ass and any thoughts of acting like he didn't care went out the window.

Before he got there, Tifa had the idiot on the ground with his arm twisted at a painful angle.

That almost felt worse than seeing the guy hit on her. She didn't need him to protect her.

*7*7*

He honestly didn't know what to feel about guys hitting on Tifa. He knew she could take care of herself. He also knew that she wasn't interested in any of the guys who came into the bar. At least, he hoped not. Most of the time.

What he didn't know was if he had any business feeling anything about it at all. Sure, they shared a room most nights ever since Marlene decided she was old enough to sleep by herself. But it was convenient and made them both feel more secure. It wasn't like they shared a bed or... anything.

Should they share a bed? He wanted to, sometimes, but it was easier to keep things the way they were. After all, what if she decided that he wasn't worth it? What if the feelings they shared that night weren't there now that the world wasn't about to end?

He scowled as another drunk used a horribly slurred pick-up line. Tifa didn't deserve to be treated that way. But she didn't deserve a guy who couldn't even ask her how she felt about him.

What was he supposed to do? Most days he was content to let Tifa deal with the few really annoying customers, maybe 'escort' one or two out if asked. Then there were days when the memories, the noise, and life in general were all just a little too much and he wanted nothing more than to drop kick every single customer out the door.

Instead, he'd go outside and wish that he owned a motorcycle. Or a chocobo. Or anything as long as it was his and he could go anywhere he wanted.

* * *

_So this is how I see Cloud being jealous. Or something very close to it. The closest he comes to the usual fanfic reaction is scene three. Most of you can probably guess when that one happened. Anyone who's played Crisis Core will probably recognize the scene Cloud witnesses between Zack and Tifa. If only he knew she was trying to ask about him!_


	22. Therapy and Bartending

**Therapy and Bartending**

Opening another bar, even calling it Seventh Heaven, wasn't such a bad idea. At the very least, the little stitched-together family Tifa somehow acquired had a place to sleep and a source of income.

It was more than she could say for some of her customers.

"Used to work for ShinRa." The man at the bar mumbled into his drink. He still wore a white dress shirt, or what might've been white under all the stains. There were so many it was impossible to tell what all had caused them. "Had a pension, insurance, a house. All from ShinRa. Fat lot of good they were."

Tifa nodded with the detached interest of a practiced bartender. But when the man held his glass out for more, she shook her head. "I think you've had enough. But if you'd like anything to eat, I'd be happy to fix something."

The man snorted. "You mean I'm drunk. Of course I am. And I'm going to be a lot more drunk before I let myself sleep. Helps keep the nightmares away."

That last sentence had been so quiet, Tifa couldn't be sure she heard right.

Only one way to find out. "And sometimes drinking can make the nightmares worse."

"Yeah, true." The man chuckled grimly. "Were you in Midgar when that thing, WEAPON I think they said, attacked?"

"No. But I was close by."

"I was in the ShinRa Building." He sighed at his still empty glass. "I was a library technician on the 62nd floor. Didn't even know we were under attack until the building shook. One of the book cases fell on me. Must've been stuck there for hours. No one came. No one cared. Heard later that the president went missing and no one even bothered trying to find a body." He shook his head and sighed again. "People really do show their true colors in a crisis. Selfish, the whole lot of us. Couldn't care less about anyone or anything unless it affects us directly. Kinda makes me wonder why the planet bothered saving us at all."

Tifa couldn't say anything to that. There wasn't anything to say to that. Experience as a bartender told her that sometimes, just being there to listen was the best anyone could do.

And he wasn't the only one. People who had pulled themselves out of the rubble left from Meteor only to find their friends and family hadn't been so lucky. ShinRa employees who suddenly found themselves out of work and with skill sets that didn't fit what anyone wanted or needed. Others who had to watch as loved ones succumbed to Geostigma. Still others who endured two or all three of the above.

She listened to all of them. The nightmares, the fears, the memories they all wished would go away and never come back.

Who was she to think her life was hard in the face of all that? She had Marlene and Cloud, even if he wasn't around as often as she'd like he was still _there_. She had a, mostly, successful business. She was blessed far more than she deserved.

So she lent an ear. And wished there was something, anything, she could do besides that.

* * *

_I've often wondered about Tifa's line in Advent Children "You think you have it so damn hard!" Uh, well, yeah, Cloud does have it hard. But then I remembered one of the roles of a bartender. Tifa would be in a prime position to hear just how badly messed up people were from Meteor and everything before and after that. Listen to some of the stories from survivors of 9/11 sometime. There are people who still have nightmares and still have trouble being near the place where they almost died even ten years later. Think how hard it must have been to go on living just weeks or months after that. Add to that the apparently lack of psychiatrists, or even a basic understanding of mental illness in Gaia. Oh, and an incurable, 100% fatal pandemic. And the world almost ending instead of just a massive terrorist attack. (I say 'just' and yet I still remember where I was and what I was doing the moment I found out. And the oppressive sense of confusion and fear that followed me the rest of the day. And I didn't even know anyone anywhere close to New York!) So, yeah, Cloud had it hard, but he had people willing to help him if he'd only** let them**.  
_


	23. Afterlife

**Afterlife**

You know, death really isn't so bad. Dying's a pain, literally, but death is actually kinda nice.

Not that I wanted to die, of course. There were things I wanted to do. I was serious about starting that business. I wanted to see Aerith again. Funny thing, I think I almost forgot her in the moments before my death. Not that I could really think all that well, what with a bullet lodged in my skull and a few dozen others in my chest and legs. I must have looked horrible.

But at least I got to talk to Cloud before I went. I knew he was alright. Or a lot closer than he'd been in years.

Years. I still can't believe it. Four, no, almost five years now. I know I'm supposed to just sit back and let the Lifestream take me, but I have to find Aerith and see if she's okay.

Thing is, I have no idea how. I've heard stories of people becoming ghosts because of unfinished business, but those stories never seem to end well for the ghost. The Lifestream is a nice place, I don't want to spend the rest of eternity wandering the planet. Nine months is plenty.

I asked Angeal, but his only connection to the living world was his copies, and they were all dead now. Apparently he was sent to help me into the Lifestream by the planet, he had no idea where I was before that.

So here I am, drifting, trying to find some way to contact the surface. Angeal faded a while ago. He was tired, but even so he tried to stay for a while longer just to keep me company.

Gotta admit, it's kinda tempting to follow his example and give into the constant tug on my mind, but I have to know how those two are doing. I wonder about Kunsel, too. Hope he didn't get into trouble trying to find me.

The Lifestream is really persistent, too. It wants my memories but I'm not willing to give them up yet.

Seems like it's got something else to focus on now. You know what I said about death being kinda nice? It's not so much now. I had no idea the afterlife could get stuffy. Maybe that's not the right word, but it's the closest thing I can think of.

*7*7*

I met up with Aerith. I'm glad to be with her again, but I'm sad that she's dead. Seems Cloud's been beating himself up over her death, too. Aerith told me about what happened. Poor guy has no luck at all.

The worst thing is that I can't really help her. I'm no Ancient, Cetra, whatever, I have no idea where to even start trying to cure this Geostigma thing. She says that having me there to support her is enough, but I'd like to do more.

Maybe there is something. I asked her, and now I check up on Cloud every once in a while. I can't do much more than catch glimpses, and I definitely can't talk to him, but it's more than I was able to do.

What the hell! Cloud is lucky Angeal's faded already, if he saw what happened to his sword Cloud would be so dead. I mean, I'm kinda touched that he thought I deserved a memorial, but the Buster Sword? Really? You couldn't find something, anything, else?

Though it is kinda ironic that lack of use is bringing wear, tear, and rust.

By the way, Cloud has an awesome bike. Looks like a custom job. The new sword, no... swords, are awesome, too.

I think Aerith is rolling her eyes at the sort of things I notice. Or she would roll her eyes if she still had them. It's kinda weird not being able to see the person next to you. Though I can feel her there. Man, she feels fantastic! And I thought physically hugging her was good. It was, but this is a thousand times better. Plus, the Lifestream doesn't try to pull me apart quite so much while I'm with her.

*7*7*

Aerith has a plan. She hasn't told me what it is, but I can tell she has one. She's got this feel to her. I sure hope this plan works out better than the one that got her here. Ow! She heard that! And how can she poke me if neither of us have bodies? Must be a Cetra thing.

Anyway, it seems she's been talking to Cloud. How she can do that and try to get rid of Geostigma at the same time is beyond me. Especially since she's been working even harder ever since I told her that Cloud has it. Like I said, no luck at all. Sure hope there's some way to help him, not just with this illness but with life in general. He seems to be in kind of a funk.

*7*7*

My girlfriend is a genius. She's the most amazing, wonderful, clever, just plain awesome girl ever. Coming up with a cure for Geostigma? Yep. Finding a way for me to give Cloud a pep talk? Definitely. At the most dramatic moment possible? Oh yeah.

So, this makes, what, the third time Cloud's killed Sephiroth? Pretty good for a guy who never made SOLDIER. Looks like he's ready to actually live now, too.

Hmm. Should I let the Lifestream take me now? I could, but I have some catch up to do with Aerith. And if brushing against her soul feels this good...

* * *

_Playing with first person perspective. And it should be pretty obvious who the narator is. He's actually one of the few people in FFVII who I can easily see narating. Though he does end up getting sidetracked rather easily, too. Oh well, it's fun! And I get to try explaining what was going on behind the scenes in AC._


	24. Bruised Hearts

_This is the author's note. Below is not the author's note, though it may look like it at first. It's not exactly a story, either, more of a character study._

_As usual: don't own, don't sue._

* * *

**Bruised Hearts**

The date mechanics in FFVII have been used to 'prove' that Tifa is a caring person and that Aerith is selfish. It can be interpreted that way, but that's not how I see it. What's mostly used are the possible answers during the infamous cross-dressing episode. But let's start a bit earlier...

Aerith takes Cloud to her home, since she'd 'hired' him as a bodyguard. Cloud mentions that he has to get back to Tifa's Seventh Heaven. They're alone in Aerith's living room, and Aerith asks if Tifa is his girlfriend.

Cloud could act like an embarrassed 12-year-old and shake his head vigorously.

Aerith laughs. "You don't have to get THAT upset..." (+1 Aerith) She's almost certainly amused at his reaction and maybe even glad that he's unattached. Even if he didn't remind her of Zack, Cloud's a good looking guy and she's certainly trying to find a way to get over Zack.

Or, Cloud could say, "Yeah, that's right."

"Oh, how nice." (-5 Aerith) Even in just text you can tell that Aerith is disappointed. Well, ladies, wouldn't you be? It's a natural enough reaction. Of course, Aerith doesn't know Tifa yet, but trying to steal someone else's boyfriend is generally frowned upon.

Though that doesn't mean she won't flirt while she has him available.

*7*7*

Now we skip ahead to the episode that Cloud probably still wishes he could forget. (Or that the fandom would let him forget.)

Maybe Tifa had been chosen as Don Corneo's chick of the evening. Cloud had enough of his manhood getting stomped on and beat up Corneo's lackeys. Meanwhile, Aerith has been doing her best to stay out of arm's reach of another lackey, who had taken her down to that creepy dungeon.

Cloud could say one of two things at this point.

"You all right?"

Aerith almost certainly smiles as she brushes off his concern. "I told you. I'm used to danger. To tell you the truth, my heart was pounding." (+3 Aerith)

Or he could be a callous jerk and ignore the almost rape. "We gotta help Tifa!"

"Ye... yes, you're right... ...let's hurry!" (-2 Aerith) Gee. Nice going, Cloud. What is Aerith, chopped liver? You're making it pretty obvious who you care most about.

Then there's the whole business with Tifa being a martial artist and more than capable of reducing Don Blubber-Butt to a quivering mass of jelly.

So far, Aerith's reactions seem natural. The tricky bit comes when the tables are turned and Tifa is the one being chased around the dungeon. Though in that case, Cloud doesn't see that. I'm assuming that's one lackey who's going to need an extended medical leave (and some replacement balls).

Again, Cloud could express concern for the girl in front of him. In this case, Tifa.

Tifa responds with, "Of course! If you take me lightly, you're gonna pay for it!" (-2 Tifa)

This seems odd, but I'll save the explanation for the end.

Because, as before, Cloud also has the option to act like a cad and ignore any injuries Tifa might have in favor of rescuing the second damsel.

"Hey, don't you even care about how I am? ...never mind, let's go!" (+3 Tifa)

Yes, despite her words, Tifa's affection for Cloud increases if he ignores her and insists on rescuing Aerith. As noted, the reverse is true for Aerith.

Some might say that this indicates that Tifa is kind, caring, and puts others before herself. While true, these same people might make the assertion (and some have) that Aerith is selfish because her affection decreases if Cloud pays attention to Tifa.

We are missing not only who these women are, but the circumstances they are in.

Aerith spent four years writing letters to a boyfriend who never came back. Even while they were dating, he was a flirt and may not have made it clear that he was taking their relationship seriously. The haphazard frequency of their meetings probably didn't help. She still hasn't gotten over him, though, and sees him in Cloud. While feeling attracted to Cloud, she also doesn't want her heart broken again.

Tifa may well have less romantic experience than Aerith. The way her life has been going up to this point, I'd be surprised if that wasn't the case. She's been pining after Cloud for seven years and here he shows up different from how she remembered. Cocky, self-centered, uncaring... and that's not even getting into the memory mash-up.

And she works in a bar, has more curves than a scenic byway, and is by no means stupid. She's probably suspicious of any man who compliments her or expresses concern. Especially if that man looks like he's about to 'check her for injuries.' Now would be a good time to remind said man that she's quite capable of taking care of herself. Mako or no mako, I'm betting a punch to the face would hurt and Cloud isn't likely to fight back very hard.

But if he expresses concern for someone else, that's different. That's a big step away from the self-centered jerk he'd been up to that point. It's even further away from the trying-to-get-in-your-pants mentality Tifa probably has to deal with every day from most of the men entering her bar.

Still, all other responses after this indicate that paying more attention to Aerith than Tifa will result in Aerith's affection rating going up and Tifa's going down. Same applies for the reverse.

Tifa may be worried about Cloud's intentions sometimes, but she still wants the man she's interested in to show interest in her. She wants Cloud to be confident, as evidenced by her reaction when Cloud can say either "(Leave it to me)" or "(Kinda hard)" while they're held prisoner.

Both women are capable of jealousy. We've seen Aerith's already here. Tifa's is more subtle and comes out more in the short story Case of Tifa.

They aren't perfect by any means. Tifa could have said something about how Cloud's memory didn't match up with her's before all this started. Aerith didn't have to flirt anywhere near as much as she did.

They are flawed characters, but they're good characters. Both care for others in their own way. They're both awkward at dealing with people. Tifa shuts down and won't talk. Aerith says whatever comes to mind.

They feel real.


	25. Human

_Never tried this point of view before. I was just reading (re-reading in a couple cases) some time-travel fics and started wondering how they got to be friends in the first place. Genesis's character is hard to nail down since we don't really get to see him before he went nuts._

* * *

**Human**

"So this is the great hero Sephiroth!"

The young man in question turned slightly. Normally he would ignore such a statement, except it lacked both the adoration of a fan and the condescension of a scientist. He wasn't sure how to describe the tone exactly. Perhaps challenging?

The boy (though, to be honest, they were probably about the same age) standing behind him seemed far too pleased with himself and the freshly laundered third class uniform he wore.

Then he did something highly peculiar.

"There is no hate, only joy/For you are beloved by the goddess/Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds."

Sephiroth raised a single eyebrow. "What."

"Loveless, Act II." When Sephiroth did not react, the boy's mouth gaped like a landed fish. Sephiroth found the expression highly amusing. "You... Don't tell me you've never heard of Loveless!"

He thought for a moment, not so much to remember if he had or not but on how to phrase his response. "It's a play of some sort, correct?"

More gaping. The boy looked positively horrified now. He continued to make odd noises until another boy, this one dark haired and broader, turned a corner of the hallway into view.

"Genesis? What's going on?"

The first boy, Genesis, apparently, turned to the newcomer while pointing back at Sephiroth. "This, this _barbarian_ posing as a hero called Loveless a _play_! _Of some sort!_

The newcomer chuckled. "Well, that is technically accurate."

"I don't _care_! He has insulted me! I... I challenge you to a duel!" Genesis even went so far as to remove one of his gloves and throw it at Sephiroth. The bit of newly sewn leather flopped uselessly at Sephiroth's feet.

For a moment, Sephiroth wasn't sure how to respond. He'd been challenged before, certainly, mostly by new thirds wanting to test their skill against the best or older recruits who had a hard time believing the rumors. Both learned their lessons quickly.

But a duel? Over an insult? Maybe in Wutai, he still hadn't fully learned the language (perhaps because he wasn't trying) and not all of the enemy soldiers there bothered to use Continental. It struck him as odd to take something as petty as literary preferences so personally.

Well, he had provoked the new third, the least he could do was spare the boy further embarrassment.

"I refuse."

"What!?" Genesis's eyes widened to the point where Sephiroth almost considered the possibility that they would pop out of his head. "The hero is not only illiterate but a coward?"

"Genesis."

"Angeal." Ah, so the dark-haired youth had a name. "I am attempting to defend my honor. I should think you of all people would understand that."

Honor? What an interesting concept. Sephiroth considered that it might be best to find another way to defuse this situation. "You are a third class, and newly raised at that from the state of your uniform. A fight between us at this point would only serve to wound your honor further."

Angeal smiled, or, rather, smiled again, as he had been smiling until Genesis made that comment about literacy. Genesis, on the other hand, simply stuck his nose in the air.

"I see. In that case I will put my challenge on hold until I catch up with you. And mark my words, I _will_ catch up with you. 'Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return.'"

Both Angeal and Sephiroth watched Genesis stalk away, one with understanding amusement and the other with well-hidden confusion.

"Sorry about that. My friend can be rather excitable." Angeal extended a hand toward Sephiroth. "You probably already caught it, but my name is Angeal."

It took a moment for Sephiroth to realize he was supposed to shake the offered hand. "Sephiroth."

Angeal laughed. "So I heard. Perhaps if you aren't busy you could sit with us at supper. It might help smooth Genesis's ruffled feathers."

Something told Sephiroth it would be a bad idea to point out that Genesis didn't have feathers. "I'll... see."

"Good! I'll be looking for you in the mess hall!" With that, Angeal disappeared down the hall, probably in search of his overly emotional friend.

Friends. Sephiroth stared at his now empty hand. He wasn't sure what might happen in the future, but he thought he would like to get to know those two a little better.

Even if they weren't friends, they were the first people to treat him as a human being. It felt... good.


	26. Chickenpox

**Pox Panic**

"Cloud! TIFA!"

Denzel all but flew down the stairs into the bar. Both of his guardians were standing at attention, Tifa still holding a carton of milk and a glass while Cloud seemed to have frozen after realizing he wasn't wearing his sword harness.

Tifa managed to find her voice first. "What's the matter? What happened?"

"Marlene... She's... She's really sick and she's got a rash over half her face and..."

Cloud was already moving. It couldn't be Geostigma, it had been cured months ago. Even if it was, Aerith's church was only a couple minutes away by bike.

When he entered the kids' room at first all he saw was a lump of blankets on Marlene's bed. The lump shifted a little with a tiny moan. He turned when he heard Tifa come up the stairs behind him.

"Don't worry." She smiled and stroked his arm before brushing past. "I think I know what's going on."

That made one of them. Cloud followed her into the room. One look at Marlene reassured him that at least it wasn't Geostigma. Not that the oozing red blisters looked much better.

Tifa knelt by the bed. "Marlene, have you been scratching these?"

"Uh huh. They itch really bad."

"Well you shouldn't. That'll only make it worse."

Marlene squirmed. "Make what worse? Why am I sick?"

Tifa started to reach for Marlene's hair but thought better of it. "You have the chickenpox. One of your friends probably had it and gave it to you."

"So... I'm not going to die?"

For a moment, Tifa didn't know if she should laugh or cry. "No. But you'll have to stay in bed for a few days. And _don't_ scratch."

Soft footsteps alerted Cloud to the room's other occupant. As there didn't seem to be anything he could do for Marlene, maybe he could at least reassure Denzel. He opened the door and slipped out before Denzel could knock. After making sure the door latched behind him he lead Denzel down to his office.

"Is Marlene going to be okay?"

"Yeah." Cloud lead Denzel to the bed (more of a cot, really) so they could sit down. "She has chickenpox."

Denzel frowned. "Will I get chickenpox, too?"

Oh. "I... I'm not sure."

They were silent for a long time until Denzel got up the nerve to ask another question. "Did you have chickenpox as a kid?"

Cloud had to think about that one. "I'm not sure."

Denzel gave him a look that clearly said, 'How could you not know something like that?'

All Cloud could do was shrug.

Moments later, Tifa joined them, breaking the awkward silence. "I'm going to the store for some calamine lotion and bandages. Cloud, can you strip Denzel's bed and get the sheets in the wash? We'll have to think of a place for him to sleep until Marlene's feeling better."

"But I've already got her germs all over me." A sudden realization dawned on him and he frowned. "Does this mean I can't go out and play?"

Tifa and Cloud looked at each other as if hoping the other one would come up with an answer. Finally, Cloud shrugged. "I'll take the day off. You can help me with Fenrir."

Denzel's eyes went huge. "Really? But what about your deliveries? I... You don't have to..."

"It's fine. Some of the people today have small kids and I don't want this spreading more than it has to."

Tifa beamed as she left the two males alone to talk about bikes.

*7*7*

The first thing Tifa noticed when she returned home was the mechanical racket coming from upstairs. After stopping to listen she realized it was the washer.

Except the washer had never made that particular set of noises before.

She left the bags on the bar on her way to the stairs. Up past the bedrooms and around the corner she saw Cloud and Denzel sitting with their backs pressed against a highly agitated washer. Both looked so confused that Tifa had a hard time not laughing.

"We were washing my sheets, only they didn't fill the whole thing so Cloud put my blanket in, too." Denzel looked to his hero for reassurance that it was okay to say that.

Cloud coughed before continuing the story. "I didn't know which measurement of detergent to use, so I used the largest one. Sorry."

At that Tifa allowed herself to laugh a little. "And neither of you thought to turn off the washer?"

Cloud and Denzel looked at each other and then at Tifa. They didn't have to say a word. Tifa shooed both of them away from the machine and pulled the knob out until it clicked off.

"I suppose I should be impressed you could turn it on." She started to smile.

And then Marlene screamed.

Everyone jumped at the bathroom door, but only Tifa went inside. Cloud and Denzel stood anxious and awkward in the hall while Marlene alternated between apologizing and blubbering about how everything hurt.

By the time the door opened again Marlene was clean and calm.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't complain. It's just chicken pox."

Tifa shook her head. "It's fine." She had probably already said that five times before. "I remember having chickenpox. I must have spent the entire week screaming."

Marlene relaxed a little and let Tifa take her back to bed. Denzel insisted on staying with her, arguing that Marlene had done the same for him when he had Geostigma. So with both kids in their room Tifa went back to see what could be salvaged from the laundry.

Cloud followed her. He didn't speak until she finished pulling out the soapy mess that had been a mostly blue quilt.

"Did I have chickenpox?"

"Hmm?" Tifa looked at him for a moment, at first not sure why he would need to ask. "You don't...? Come to think of it, I don't remember you catching it." Her eyes widened. "Oh, Cloud!"

Now it was his turn to look confused. "What?"

"I've just always heard that chickenpox is so much worse for adults. And you just got over Geostigma four months ago."

Cloud shook his head. "Don't worry."

"I'm not." Tifa folded her arms. "But I am concerned. One of my regulars at the old Seventh Heaven got the chickenpox and he almost died."

That took Cloud by surprise. He hadn't expected chicken pox to be that serious. "I'll be careful." He didn't add that he wasn't sure he even could get sick, aside from Geostigma.

*7*7*

If anything could make him sick, he suspected it would involve chickenpox. Not from catching it, though.

Marlene put up a brave face throughout the day. Then night came and the whimpering started. Quiet, muffled, and barely audible to Tifa, it kept Cloud on high alert all night. Worse, just knowing that one of the kids was sick made every other noise in the house that much louder to him.

The clang in the pipes.

Every shift of bedsheets when either Marlene or Denzel moved.

That loose board in front of the toilet that squeaked no matter how careful the kids were.

The click of the light switch followed by the faucet running and another click.

Every night for a week.

By then Marlene started feeling better. She even fussed when Tifa didn't let her come downstairs to eat. Denzel brought her food up and they both ate while watching cartoons on the new TV Cloud had set up in the living room.

Cloud sat downstairs at his usual spot at the bar. Tifa lingered a moment after refilling his water.

"You look tired."

Cloud grunted. "Haven't been sleeping."

"Oh? Oh. The worst is over, so maybe you'll be able to get some sleep tonight."

Barely a minute later Marlene yelled from the top of the stairs. "Denzel just threw up!"

Tifa tried not to laugh at the way Cloud nearly face-planted in his steak.

* * *

_A note about the way the living quarters are set up in my mind. Tifa and Cloud's room is next to Marlene and Denzel's. Next is the washroom with a sink and a stacking washer/drier. The bathroom is accessed through the washroom. The toilet is in a separate room, since that seems to be common in Japan. I even put together a floor plan, using what I've been able to guess about scale from watching Advent Children a couple dozen times and looking up pictures online. I'm still not sure about the existence of public restrooms for the bar. You'd think they'd have to have them._


End file.
